I can no longer ignore the fact that the future is there.. Haunting me.
I can no longer ignore the fact that we don't leave in a world of fantasy..
I can no longer ignore the fact that to have a favorable future, I have to start working on it now.
I can no longer ignore the fact that this is life, and we don't always stay the same..
I can no longer ignore the fact that mind is one powerful tool that brings people to different levels
I can no longer ignore the fact that I have to work more, and play less..
I can no longer ignore the fact that I let people to affect me because I know they are right..
I can no longer ignore the fact that I may lose myself in the process... because I need to grow up..
I can no longer ignore the fact that I am afraid, and this fear is bringing me nowhere but losing opportunities everywhere..
I can no longer ignore the fact that.. it is about time.. to change..

I saw this quote in Instagram, and I find it really meaningful and suitable for my condition now...

Don't limit your future because of the fear you have now

That person who accepts all your weaknesses and yet accepts you for who you are.
That person who cares for you more than yourself.
That person who is always there for you.
That person who can make you smile no matter what situation you're dealing with.
That person who listens to you whenever you have something to say.
That person whom you can talk anything to, just like a best friend.
That person who protects you.
That person who loves you not for your appearance.
That person whom you can be yourself all the time.

That person... I have found him :)

That special someone...

I got to say that I cannot seem to follow the advice of this quote. I know we all have to just enjoy the moment in the present, not look back nor stress about the future that has yet to arrive. But the voice in me just had to constantly remind me always that I have to be prepared of the future. I learn from the past, not wanting the bad memories to repeat... And yes, I do live in the present and try to make the most of it. But, I cannot not stress about the future even though it has not arrived yet. 

Future... to me, is one really big world out there which is waiting for me. 
I need to imagine and prepare for it. 
I need to ensure that I am not all lost when my future arrives. 
I want to give the best I can in the future.

Why am I studying and learning right now? They're all for the future right? So how can I not stress about them. Every single thing I do, I think about how it will affect me in the future. 

To me, the unknown world of future has been in my head for a long long time. I was just too scared to face it as I know once I know that I have to face it, I need to work my ass off, and less playing time for me. I was all oblivious whenever my mind starts thinking about the future. But I know it's no time for me to do that anymore. Time waits for nobody. The longer I drag or ignore the fact, the worse my future will be. I need to get prepared for whatever I do... Learn the most I can while I have the chance to. Nobody else is going to be there guiding you step by step. I have to stand on my own two feet and survive in the cruel world out there.

I need to get my senses back and face it. The future.....

This is one of the best drama I've ever seen in my whole life!!!! Why? Cause of how it's so realistic and it just touches me straight into my soul.. Like seriously T.T I've cried and laughed throughout the drama. Never seen such an awesome drama which I feel I can relate with. Well, a little la... I mean it's something which almost everyone may have to go through in life.

In the drama, whenever we get cheated by people we put our trust in, everything just seem so dark and hard. Most of us will end up feeling dejected, hopeless and as if that we have nothing good left. Depending on people make us feel disappointed at times, so we end up being independent, but for being independent for a long time, a feeling of tiredness and wanting to just lean on someone come across to mind. It's sad, but true. That's what the drama shows, and I too can feel it so deep inside myself. I'm carrying this confusion back and forth. Till now, I have no idea on what to really believe in. 

Should I let myself to depend on others? 
Should I believe in them fully without any doubt? 
Be 100% sure that I will never get hurt again? 

It's awesome how the drama shows that there is always hope. Having someone supporting and protecting you by your side all along without you knowing. What an awesome feeling~ Even though it's just a drama, I do feel envy, but I wonder if in reality there will be such awesome person in your life. And of course, I wonder if there will be one in my life too...

Fear comes in various ways. Fear of being alone, fear of heights, fear of making mistakes.... 

But what's in my mind is, is fear real? Or is it from within? I have definitely experience fear and I'm sure everyone has too. Fear is what brings us backward, or static in life. With fear in our mind, we can't move forward or improve ourselves in many ways. It restricts us both physically and mentally. We think about the possibilities that might happen in the future when it hasn't even happened.; worrying and fearing it'll come true. It's amazing how our minds can play such tricks to us, so even if it's not easy, we need to control our minds to stop being in fear.

So much facts of fear... Knowing the truth about them, yet I can't seem to overcome fear in my own life. There are many fears in my life. One of the main ones right now is the fear of losing people I love in my life. It's scary that when we grow up, many things seem to be realistic. Or in other words, more important and vivid things are seen and experienced. It's always awesome being kids in their own fantasy world, not knowing what they'll face later on. Realization happens when we mature? Or when we think too much? I don't know. But bring this age, knowing that I'll be an adult anytime soon, I'm in fear of losing people whom I love.

“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.”

I've just a few words to talk about motivation. Being motivated is one good thing... Like going around finding for motivational quotes or maybe being motivated by your own idol, teacher or friend. BUT, one main thing I have in mind is that... how long do those motivations actually last? A week? A day? An hour... or worse? I don't know about others, but that's the case that happens often to me... I believe it happens too a lot to some others.. Especially when people like us don't have this solid mindset of being that! And so, are these motivational quotes useful for long term purposes, which is the main point. No point yourself motivated today and back to the old self the next day. 


I have this thought since two of my friends, one guy and a girl argued about girls reading motivational books like "How to build your confidence?". He said that it is useless to read such things and I for sure was on the girl's side as I myself love such books. I used to read them during my break in work. But, after that argument, I had myself thinking... Why do guys actually think that it's useless when all the information in there are so solid and needed in life? Guys are known for being more logical while girls are more emotional. So, I twisted my thinking to think in a guy's perspective.

And this is my answer for it. I believe that... Does reading them makes you being them? Those perfect human beings explained in the book? Those who are liked by almost everyone, those who are confident in life to do whatever they believe is right and so on.... You know what's right.. But the MAIN point here is to apply them! Do we? I know I don't always. Or most of the time it won't even last.

But don't mistaken my words... These motivational stuffs are good. I'm still a fan of these. But what I believe is more realistic is that... we learn and build our own confidence by our own action and thinking. By committing more mistakes we learn that how things go wrong due to our actions and lessons are learned. These are vital experience and also main motivations which we will bring to death. Motivations that won't leave our memory...

If we don't let go of what we usually do, we will always remain  the same. That's what I learned from somewhere I've read and also my own experience. To improve or to achieve a goal, sometimes you just have to let go of some precious things. To always stick to something for a long period of time will not gain anything extra... Maybe just a little change will make life a little better. 
 

And some people actually mistaken that it takes just a short moment to get rid of sometime completely. Sacrificing something does not have to mean that it will just disappear from your site in just a second. Slowly removing it from your life and once even when it's completely gone and that you don't even realize it... That's when real success of sacrificing is achieved. Or that's what I believe at least. 

As for my own experience of sacrificing, I'm still in the process. I'm unsure of the outcome and effects, but no regrets. Quoted from somewhere, "If it's a success, then great! And if it's a mistake made, then it'll be a valuable lesson learned! A win-win situation" So, what I learned mainly is that, take the risk... Believe in your own instinct! Go for what you believe is the best for yourself! Grab every opportunity.. Life's not like a fairy tale where fantasy just comes to your life and you live happily ever after~ If you fall for the seventh time, then stand up for the eighth time. =)

The things I've always wanted!!!

1) Memory-foam pillow

My dream pillow. I may sound old but I have stiff neck always with the all the horrible pillows I have all the while. I've even gone to Giant, Tesco and Aeon just to find pillow during these 3 weeks sem break lolol~ Bad luck, found it only at Aeon with RM160 =( Had to wait for sales so that it will have 70% sales heheh! xD I seriouly want it THAT badly...



2)  Awesome smartphone or Iphone

I want a really good phone this time!!! Especially since my dear phone is having speaker problem! Heheh! Time to get a new one.. Since I've always used a second-hand phone all the while.. Yes, all the while T.T May be getting one this weekend *Cross finger* I want!!! xD





3) Cheap External hard disk (1 Terabyte)
 
 Ahhh... I've always wanted this like so badly. But it's not cheap! Cost like more than RM300.. Even RM300 is cheap for 1Terabyte. I'm sick of losing all my files when my laptop is encountering problems. Wanna keep all my hard earned downloaded music and videos too xD Will definitely buy one when I found the cheap one.





4) A really good laptop cooler pad


 I actually own a cooler pad already... Like I bought it for RM30, without thinking much. Damn, found out that mine isn't really any good. Kinda regretted especially when I found cheap ones during a PC Fair in MMU. Huhu.. I want one quite badly too.. Since my dear laptop's cooling fan spoiled before. Need to help cool laptop always lol.





5) Laptop skin

 Okay I'll be honest for this. I really wanted a SS501 or Kim Hyun Joong laptop skin for quite some time. But after being so persistent in dropping the addiction of K-Pop, I'm thinking twice about this laptop skin desire. Maybe if I found a really awesome laptop skin that can replace these. But I know I really want one. =)
 



6) Teddy Bear

 If you do not know that this will be in my wanted list, then you don't me that well.  You have no idea how long I've longed to have a fluffy, cute and huggable teddy bear for my birthday present lol. Sounded desperate but yes I am!!! Every time I pass by any cute teddy bear in the mall, I can't help but to look and can only look at them =(! It's weird to buy a teddy bear for yourself.. There's no meaning to it. Besides, my mom wouldn't let either. So I'll just have to wait for someone to give it to me =D I can wait.. No matter how long it takes haha! xD



7) Beats earphone!!!

 You have no idea how awesome this earphone is! Well, I actually own one already Hehe! Bought it during the PC Fair. I am quite satisfied with it... Yeah, I bought the fake one, duh! The real one will cost few hundreds! Yeah, that's how expensive it is. Even the fake one is like WOW already. I sure am curious how the real one is. May not buy the real one in the coming days, but hope to own an even better one than the one I'm having. =D



P/s: I find myself so geeky.. XD Out of 7 wanted lists I have four or five technology related~ Oh well, can't blame me.. I've always wanted them like since forever! ;) Hope will have them ASAP!

~Signing out~

Lesson learned today: Chase after what you believe and dream of.... And once you've decided, never turn back or regret. Instead, work hard and prove that you've made the right choice! =)
=)

Surprised on how empty my blog is? :)

It was actually a quick action without much thinking; just deleting them all in once click. Oh well, I thought it was time to move on with life... Not looking back at those downsides. Life needs to be something great and not filled with those unnecessary worries and so on, right? :)

Alright, I have a confession to make. Quite a big one for revealing it for the first time. Never once I've talked about it to any of my close friends or whoever. Just had this thinking for around.... few months ago when I realized things are going overboard. 

I need to and will for sure stop my addiction or obsession over K-POP! 

Yup, I've said it. It may not sound like a big thing to anyone of you, especially those who are not in my shoes. Being us, who've fallen into this deep hole which is getting deeper from time to time that it's not easy to climb up to bring back the light of our life. It's not easy, or at least that's what I thought. But of course right? Even any addiction isn't easy to stop like right away. It is tempting and someday it may come back maybe? Like smoking or drug...

I actually think it's time to finally realize and get out of this shell I've been hiding in. Being ignorant, knowing the truth of how bad it can be all the while.... It's time. After years of being addicted to it... I can't even remember the exact years I've been into K-Pop. Almost 10 years? Started out really mild when I was addicted with Rain.. Lol~ My nickname was even mrs.rain. Haha.. Think about it makes me wanna laugh. 


People grow up right? I think it's time for me too :).... Not wanting to accept the truth of leaving this virtual world always. Time to leave it I guess... But of course, being in love with the music isn't a problem. I still will listen to K-pop songs once in a while.. since they're already in my playlist.. I will slowly reduce the addiction by moving away from the k-pop sites I've been visiting all the while. My only hope is to go for Kim Hyun Joong's coming concert either at the end of this year or early next year. Well, it's my dream for so long to hear him singing live.... After that I can leave it completely already :)

Truly love him... but it's finally time to move on... :)

I know how lifeless it is always to be only facing the computer and not getting out to socialize more. Not gonna continue being like that.... It's time to  change :) Although my future will still lie facing the computer lolol~ I wouldn't mind actually. I'm already originally lazy to move around... xD But will surely prove to people that geeks or the so called geeks are not those who are nerdy facing the computer lifelessly, they have their awesome life too :)

 
p/s: I'm still feeling a bit reluctant to post this... But I believe it's for my own good.. I need to do something with it. There's much more waiting for me outside... I know it. :)