♥ tHoughts, fe3liNgs & b3hAviOuRs.♥

Appreciation :)

2011-12-22T23:08:00.003+08:00

And, so much....

For being so sick of things that are happening and complaining non stop.

For wanting so much to have a new part of chapter in life.

Never thought that it would actually happen so quickly...

Wow I have to say. Like seriously, not a good nor a bad one. It's just that... when you realize you will not have much time left with those loved ones, you just appreciate them even more. Like gonna really miss the moments with them later on. But on the other side, it's really a good thing that part and parcel of things are gonna be really new one again. Sad? Happy? I can't decide, but for sure I'm more towards the sad part. But once again, it's life right? I'm sure gonna miss these bunch of crazy friends I have. Yeah, those who understand what I'm writing here might just say that it's just a small part of separation and we will still get to meet each other, but deep inside I know it will definitely not be the same anymore. With everyone having their own busy life, time will be a big obstacle here =/ Alright, ain't emo-ing.. lolol~ well, maybe I am... I really love them so much I guess.. :) Aww, I can't believe that I just said that.. OMG! LOL!

By the way, I know there are definitely some who feel this. I'm rude? In a proper way of putting it I guess I'm more to someone being so straight and clear cut to what I want and not. If I say no, I mean a real no. There are people out there who annoy me with the attitude of thinking they can control and comment on things people do. I'm one who really really dislike if anything gets in my way when I've set what I want. Yeap, a strong and stubborn attitude.

Anyways, I saw this trending in twitter the other day.

#Foronceinmylife..... (I still can't think of something to continue with..even after days)

Work hard and have fun :D

2011-12-12T01:37:00.001+08:00

Yin Yin's rule... Wanna have fun? Then work hard later or before having fun :)

Gonna have fun next Sunday :D Can't wait for my Alexander's Showcase :D But before going there, need to finish up the procrastination I've been on and on since forever.. Only then it'll be balance :D

I'll work hard and have fun to the max on that day ^^

Awesome day ;)

Needs to go on, smiling :)

2011-12-09T23:59:00.001+08:00

"You get some right, you get some wrong"
"Although tiring, a day to smile will eventually come"

Nice lyrics I'm listening to. It's especially meaningful when I'm feeling down... Like now? Oh well, too much in head is bad. But it happens always. I hope whatever I'm doing is right. Even if it's a mistake, I hope I'll learn from even the tiniest mistake. But right now, I'm not even sure if it's a mistake. How do I know when doing something feels right?

What if I'm just so into being myself that I don't want to satisfy people's needs?

But when you think back about how it hurts people, you start to think back... Should I continue being like that? Yes, I don't want to satisfy their crappy demanding wish, but I don't want to spoil the relationship at the same time. Should I just hold it in inside? Or blurt it out? What if blurting out means making things even worse?

It's amazing how people have THAT different attitudes and personality. You know, going college makes me realize so many things and opens my eyes so wide about how people from all over the places can be.

From good to bad,
From hyper to extremely quiet ones,
From the most generous ones to the most selfish ones

Of course, you yourself are different too. We have to accept people for who they are right? Yeah, oh well.... After all, who am I to judge people? Stop judging and just move on with life?

Fed up... Feel like going a new place and start a new life again, but what I know is that.... To give up like that and surrender brings me nowhere. And if I am like that now, then I will forever be like that.

So, I'll face it bravely and survive through whatever's that in my way.
Being as enthusiastic as yinyin is ever, learning new things and meeting people :)

Yeap, that's me.. Or at least that's who I hope to be ;)

2011-11-17T22:35:00.001+08:00

So tired of dramas everywhere. People acting, using here and there, insincerity...
Sometimes, they are so real that it looks real? Or are they real?
No one knows... Only they themselves know, and the outsiders are deceived.
Well, same goes around to us.. How we can be so real or fake at times.
So freaking tired of dramas. Just being ignorant is simpler.
Badly wanna go back to the one simple and innocent mind and life.
I don't like how complicated life is when one grows older.
If it will continue this way, I rather stop everything.

From:
A tired one.

What should I do?

2011-11-13T19:59:00.001+08:00

What should I do whenever I feel this way?
What should I do when I can't hold it longer?
What should I do when i know I shouldn't be like that an yet am like that?
What should I do when I go over the limit?
What should I do when I hate the way I am right now?
What should I do when things don't go the way i am?
What should I do when I'm not in the mood?
What should I do when it is so annoying?
What should I do when I don't wanna smile?
What should I do when everything seems like they're not in the place I want them to be?

What should I do... Anyone tell me?

Sincere thoughts.

2011-10-16T01:55:00.002+08:00

Ask what I'm feeling now. I won't know what to answer you:

Happy? - A little

Sad? - I think?

Nervous? - Yeah

Worried? - Again, yeap

Emo? - I don't know

thinking mode - every second

Feel like asking myself not to over think. But my brain just does too much of thinking every single second. You know what's the funny thing? I should be celebrating and enjoying something, but I'm not. I'm not even telling anyone besides my family about the good news. After all the hard work, why not I show off a little to make myself feel better? It's weird, normal human being would do that right? But I guess I'm the kind who feel even more miserable to show off. I dislike the feeling when people have high expectations and disappointing them later on. It's one of the worst feeling of all. Maybe keeping a low profile will make me feel better. Anyways, I'm still thankful for that good, wonderful thing. I'm really glad, that even though it's just a short semester thing, but still it made my day that moment =) I'll do as good as that or even better for the following ones. Keeping this promise to myself. Wanna make my parents proud to have this daughter =D

Anyways, semester two is starting on Monday. It should feel like a long holiday and start high school again once after holidays. But I'm feeling its like a new life once again. When it's just four months since i started college. I got a feeling that things will change, very differently. After all the experience and the people I've met in semester one, I realize and learn many things. Too much that it scares me. I feel I have this mature yet confused mind. This mind has heard many things that it's so hard to filter them, so right now it's still in the state of confusion that the owner is still figuring out how to deal with them.

I have a very important thing I would like my friends to know. But actually if they don't it means they don't know me well enough. I am the kind who don't like replying messages like 24/7?? Maybe the maximum will be like 10 messages, if I'm that free. I'm always doing something. Sleeping is something too okay. That's towards smses. For facebook chat or whatsoever, I will chat more often as I'm always on the computer, but being on the computer feels busy too XD Computer has so much to be explored and played with, that I can't seem to only focus on chatting. So I tend to either reply late or not replying at all. Well, it's annoying to deal with a friend like that when chatting, but sorry I am that way. And I don't feel like changing. I like doing what I want at whatever time I choose, and hopefully, not being affected by whatever that's in my way. Some do get pissed, some thought that I do not care about them anymore. But I can't do anything I guess. They have to accept me for who I am. I won't wanna change for people just to satisfy them.

About that, I have much to say. You may like friends or people who are nice to you. Of course I like that too. But I prefer sincere people. They may be very frank and straightforward which hurts, but at least those are the truth where I feel I can appreciate their honesty. I think I've repeated this many times to my friends. I prefer feeling sad hearing the truth rather than feeling happy to hear lies. Actually I do envy some people around me, seeing them blending in so well in society. But if they do that only for the sake of being nice to people rather than meaning that sincerely, then I would not be envy. For being sincere to people, I hope people are sincere to me too. You know, the saying what goes around comes around. Every action of mine shows a very obvious mind of mine.

I just hope the world will have more sincere people, and not just being nice to them in their face, but talking behind their back.

Sincerely,

Yin Yin

Thank you for reading.

I need to...

2011-10-07T23:01:00.000+08:00

I need to have a clear mindset on what I want, what I really need, what suits me and what interest me and vice versa. And I'm in deep shit for not being able to do such simple thing. If it's something small, I guess it didn't matter to me at all. But right now, when small things turn out to be big, I know i can no longer ignore and lose my responsibility of it. Although that's what I'm doing right now, I know this is only temporary and may actually make the problem grow bigger. Damn, I wish that person can just read this so that it's easier for me to explain. But that's not the main problem here. I really need to do something with it. What's gonna happen to my life if I don't. I can't bear to even think further. People's deep thoughts, convincing words and wonderful actions.... Why do they affect me so much. So much. To actually look up on such people as a role model, at times I'm in doubt if I should be like them. I want to be as great at them, but at the same time be myself. But it's confusing to have different kinds of personality and beliefs. At times, i ask myself...

WHO AM I?

Learn to live...

2011-08-31T19:29:00.002+08:00

Don't be so full of yourself

Read it from a friend's status in facebook. But realize I should apply it on myself..

Don't be too full of yourself Yin Yin. That won't bring anything good.. Learn to help others.

At times it's just so weird. I get quite sad when people say I've changed, but recently, when I realized that I'm just the old me, I get disappointed in myself. So should I change or not? I guess I should just let it go naturally... As long as it leads me to the right way?

College's good. Ups and downs I've faced. But I'm sure there are reasons for every single happening so far :)

SO unprepared for finals. But hope to have the blessings and will for sure do my best.

Thank you God. :)

Kim Hyun Joong

2011-08-29T14:18:00.002+08:00

the picture explains itself :) Best birthday present ever......

I love you Hyun Joong ;D

memorable

2011-08-04T05:35:00.002+08:00

An awesome night in MMU..

It's 5.35am here and I'm in library :) No Biggie shock... It's something normal we all do :) 5th time having my overnight here :D But that's not the awesome part..

Something heartfelt things happened today. It's an awesome and memorable one I have to say. I've learned to accept and change to better things. And I've listened to many things that I feel can also help in my own life. :) Amazing journey tonight.. A night to remember for all of us :)

Alright, continue with my work...

God is awesome to bring awesome people to my life :)

love <3

=//

2011-08-01T20:59:00.001+08:00

Have I really gone less crazier? :/

Back for now :D

2011-07-30T23:25:00.002+08:00

Awesome isn't it.. It's been AGES since i updated my blog. But the funny thing is I do visit my blog almost every day or week... well, to hear songs =P

Many things have changed since the last post I've written. What was in my mind or what that I've hoped for. Everything is happening now and some are what I've wanted, some aren't, some are just plainly spontaneously happening. In fact, I rather have more things to happen spontaneously rather than planned. Different form the past~ although I do have more things planned right now. Okay, cut the crap~!

SO how's my new life? :) Amazing experience I got to say. Experienced many new things, met awesome people in my course and having a whole new kind of feeling there. Won't elaborate further cause I just don't feel like talking or explaining =)

I just wonder at times. Am I really THAT busy or that i make myself busy that bad? Assignments, homework and exams are piling up every single SECOND!!! If I don't manage time well, I will suffer. I just hope some friends will understand this. :) Will love you if you do :) lol..

Hyun Joong is coming to Malaysia on my freaking birthday! Omg!!! xD Will be my best birthday present! hehe.. :D

God is awesome <3

Farewell Klang =)

2011-05-24T01:39:00.003+08:00

Date: 24th May 2011
Day: Tuesday
Time: 1.40am

A day I'll remember how I'm feeling exactly..

Sincere smile,
Sincere laughter,
Sincere tears,
Sincere care,

Positive thoughts,
Positive mindset,

A heart and mind filled with sincerity and optimism.

:D

I will enjoy my life in Multimedia University(MMU)

In four days' time...

Goodbye Klang~ Will feel homesick for sure.. But it'll be a whole new experience~ I won't regret choosing this road and WILL for sure enjoy and work hard for it :)

Farewell.

p/s: Every end is a new beginning....

2011-05-22T01:28:00.002+08:00

Date: 22nd May
Time: 1.29am

Random thoughts...

I saw something interesting today. Sometimes, the ones seem happiest and loudest may not be as happy as we think. They too have their problems.. some big some small~ But they still remain strong and show a smiley face to share happiness. Suddenly I feel ashamed of myself for feeling like it's the end of the world when I face really tiny problems..

A friend of mine advised me to be thick-skinned and I actually think I'm changing day by day. Not sure towards positive or not, but I'm feeling more careless about most things now. Not expecting much, so that i wont feel disappointed?

In exact a week's time... I'm off to a completely different life. How should I even feel eh? It's all jumbled up together; nervous, excited, afraid, worried. Can I do well? Will I? It's a question that's been in my mind for forever.. At times I know I just gotta have confidence in myself. Convincing myself... I can and yeah, I will do well... :) Another phase of life, I guess that's what everyone gonna face sooner or later. People say that you'll get affected a lot by those you mix with. I wonder how much will things change... Even I can't guarantee what kind of person I'll be in the future~ But one thing for sure, I will work hard, enjoy life and mix well there. I promise(to myself) =)

p/s: Gosh~ so emo-ish~ lolol... blame the songs i'm hearing now... xD

So-called....

2011-04-06T21:24:00.002+08:00

I really wanted to type something out. Something very very small(it shouldn't even be an issue) that's bothering me... But I realize it'll look crappy here. So I kinda removed it... I guess I'm gonna have a diary in my computer myself~ Much more private. I don't know about sharing with friends anymore... Not that I don't trust them~ It's more like I feel so blahhhh to always gotta depend on them about small matters.. Kinda feel useless actually, for not having own solution for my very OWN so-called problem~ But I still lost; I eventually told a friend of mine about it...

p/s: Nothing's ever changed.. =/

I'm not less than perfect...

2011-03-15T00:00:00.004+08:00

Made a wrong turn

Once or twice

Dug my way out

Blood and fire

Bad decisions

That’s alright

Welcome to my silly life

Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood

Miss “no way it’s all good”

It didn’t slow me down

Mistaken

Always second guessing

Underestimated

Look, I’m still around…

Pretty, pretty please

Don’t you ever, ever feel

Like you're less than

Less than perfect

Pretty, pretty please

If you ever, ever feel

Like your nothing

You are perfect to me

You’re so mean

When you talk

About yourself

You are wrong

Change the voices

In your head

Make them like you

Instead

So complicated

Look how big you’ll make it

Filled with so much hatred

Such a tired game

It’s enough

I’ve done all i can think of

Chased down all my demons

see you same

The world stares while i swallow the fear
The only thing i should be drinking is an ice cold beer
So cool in lying and I tried tried
But we try too hard, it’s a waste of my time
Done looking for the critics, cuz they’re everywhere
They don’t like my genes, they don’t get my hair
Stringe ourselves and we do it all the time
Why do we do that?
Why do I do that?
Why do I do that?

Yeah,
Ooh, oh, pretty pretty pretty,
Pretty pretty please don’t you ever ever feel
Like you’re less then, less than perfect
Pretty pretty please if you ever ever feel
Like you’re nothing you are perfect, to me
You’re perfect
Pretty, pretty please don’t you ever ever feel like you’re less then, less than perfect
Pretty, pretty please if you ever ever feel like you’re nothing you are perfect to me

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Understand the lyrics? Well, different people interpret it differently, so... =) To me, I post it here to describe how I exactly feel =/ So far in my 18 years of life, I've made wrong turns, got mistreated, misunderstood, misplaced, underestimated. So much hatred.. So complicated, such a tiring game. Such a long journey with fear in my throat; so hard to even speak...Getting critics from everywhere. The voices in my head keep changing. But look, I'm still around... And I want to believe that...

I'm not less than PERFECT!!! =)

Working is fun! :D

2011-03-01T17:41:00.005+08:00

It's been a loooooooooooong time since I'm feeling this satisfied and happy with myself! =D

Heh... Yup, Most of you should know that I've started working already! xD I'm starting to enjoy working already :D Rather than complaining that I'm tired and problems during work, I rather look at the brighter side where I get to meet new people and communicate with them :D And of course, interact with the workers there^^ Love the feeling of getting to learn new things, like enhancing my language proficiency, feeling more confident when meeting strangers and most importantly, keeping a good relationship with people :D Well, it sounded that great about my work, but honestly, during the first day of work, I was really blur, slow and kept making mistakes.. Was really nervous too especially since my friend went back half way.. I was left with strangers around me who were quite cold to me on my first day of work. But everything has changed =) They're my friends too now, and we joke around like how friends are =D

I've made this choice myself.. My parents didn't really support me working at first~! But I insisted so they couldn't do anything... And I definitely don't regret it! :) Or else, I would have stayed at home all day in front of the computer wasting precious time of my holidays to learn new things! :) This is what I've wanted all long... Learning and exploring new things! And also that sense of satisfaction and happiness when you treat others too xD Customers are soooooo much nicer than what I've expected before working~ Well, yeah.. I did get scolding(only 1 customer so far heh).. but still, most are really nice :D

(Sorry, I know I crap a lot about my work.. first time, excited sikit :P )

And one thing I realize when started working, I realize that the problems that were haunting me in the past, are now... I won't say they're nothing anymore~ More to... I don't even pay much attention to them now~! They seem to me like it's no longer a problem, or even better, felt like I never had those problems cos I don't even think about them anymore. =/ It's a good thing of course.. It means that I'm ready to let go of them already, I hope :) Ahh, working also teaches me how free time can be utilized properly! Since I had too many free time b4 working, I tend to slack and procastinate a lot!! Now, whenever I have free time, I try arranging important things to do first... :)

To sum it all up, working is FUN and definitely WORTH the experience! :)

Till then,
~Cheers!! :D

p/s: Come visit me at my working place if can~ Igentis in Aeon. I'll be waiting :P

Add on-There's this fitness guy who's a regular customer.. he's sooo HOT! omgggg.. and he speaks English.. he is like an ideal boyfriend physically i tell you!!! Okay.. sorry~! I just can't stand his hotness :P HEHE! XD

If you're given a chance to see your future, will you take it?

2011-02-11T23:35:00.002+08:00

Interesting title, isn't it? :) Well, I just finished watching 'Flash Forward', that's why~ Try watching it if you have not~ x)

"The planet blacked out for 2minutes and 17 seconds. The whole world saw their future...."

I was always afraid about my future.. not knowing where I'll end up being, what will I be, who will I be with me along in my life... Lots more worries~! But you know what? After watching 'Flash Forward', knowing your future isn't any better anyways.. maybe worse~ Some didn't even get to see their future, which means they know they'll be death by then... How scary~ What if you saw something you didn't like? your whole life will be affected... So hey, perhaps, not knowing your future is something.... fun? It may be scary, but at the same time by not knowing it, you'll work hard to achieve your goal/dream. Most probably, you won't give up on yourself easily with the belief that you'll be successful if you work hard x) It's all about mindset... Everything is, actually~ That makes everyone different because no one's mindset is the same.

So, will you take the chance to see your future?

I won't.

=)

Money...

2011-01-24T12:25:00.002+08:00

Okay this sucks...

I used to have this innocent and naive thinking that money isn't important.. When some of my friends said that maybe they would betray another friend for money sake, depending on situation, I was seriously.... WTH!? I wouldn't say that I agree with that now though.. More like, it's possible well... Since without money, you can't solve some things right?

I've used a big amount of money recently, and a bigger amount will come next month.. Shit!! Ahhh! even though it's not me paying it, I feel bad.. really bad! Gaaaah~! I don't want others to face difficulties because of me.. I'll be giving up my ang pau money. At least it'll lessen the burden... =/

You know what? I really really wanna work now. Not only for money sake, but also I need some working experience and maybe, meeting people and interact with them. Ahh! I wanna work!!! I shall find one...

Money money money.. pffft! T.T

p/s: But hey, on the brighter side...
At last! since it's part of my holiday plan xP
Hopefully everything will turn out well *prays*

I was here.. :)

2011-01-20T00:54:00.004+08:00

If I could turn back time,
I wouldn't repeat it..
I shouldn't have trusted you,
I shouldn't have trusted myself,

Here I was,
always waiting and hoping,
but I won't be here anymore,
This will be my last time saying,
Bye.

p/s: Told you I can't guarantee.. :)

First post of 2011. Maybe last?

2011-01-10T00:57:00.006+08:00

In this world, there're like infinity choices... Okay, it sounds like the previous post. It's just that. My head is about to burst.. Burst because of the choices present.. I'm not only mentioning the courses available... But also actions, reactions, replies, choices of words.. It's like.. You know this is right, but you wanna follow your heart but at the same time you know it's wrong, then you feel guilty, but then feel like crap for being fake good, because that good doesn't last long.. and then you hate yourself for not being good.. OKAY! I'm crapping! Zzz~ but those are really in my mind... You can choose to say or do whatever, but is that what you really want? IS that the right way to say or do it? What if it's what you want but it's wrong? And also, what if it's the right thing to do, but not what you wanted? Headache isn't it? Haihz.. I shall just follow the flow... hopefully, I'll always make right choices :)

I wanted to make things right during this holiday... but so far, all I got to hear was... 'It's too late.. Since you left it for a long time already..' Those words crushed my heart into pieces. Of course, I won't wanna give up, but honestly, it's not easy to go through having hope-and-then-disappointment moments. Stay strong yinyin! Overcome the impossibles! :D

Oh, and my dad told us a quote today. he roughly translated it from a Mandarin quote,

'If you wanna succeed, you gotta suffer first'

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

---

LOL! I just realized this is the first post for 2011! Ahahhaha, this sucks!!! First post and it's emo-ish kind.. I'm trying not to have my blog being that emo.. I just can't help it. I mean.... these are just pouring from my mind :( If you're bored of reading them, then just stop reading them :)

2010 was really great. In fact, it was one of the best moments in my life! :D Let's see what I enjoyed most last year... xD

1) I had the most fun time in school last year, compared to other years of schooling. 5S2, you guys rocks! :) I love the jokes and pranks we always had for the teachers. Lessons are always fun with them :D If you ask me to rank them.. The time I enjoyed in school from most fun to the least would be. Form5,3,2,1,4~ It got better every year, except during form4! That was a disastrous year for me.. but, i managed to fix things up :)

2) I got to be myself.. Revealing the true side of me; not wearing a mask or fake a smile just to please others and myself. That's the best part, don't you think so? People accept you for who you are.. The happiness just flows right to your heart :D

3) I joined chess competition for the first time! Without any skills! LOL! But I did work hard; not wanting to be a burden to our group.. And the feeling every time you win a game. Even though it was only 5/8 overall, but I know I've done my best. We brought back No.2 spot back to school, both guys and girls categories! Heh :D Thanks to those there who helped me.. Meeting new people from different schools.. It was really really a great experience :D Sometimes, the unexpected ones are the fun parts in life, isn't it? :)

4) The downs I had this year... Part of them actually were the important moments in my life. As it turned my life.. :D When you solve them, they become important and great moments. And they happened during 2010 x)

5)The best part of my life... Is to have such great friends around me :) Without them supporting and helping me to stand up, I wouldn't be who I am today :D I've read other blogs.. where they specifically mentioned each friend to thank every one of them personally. I wish I could too. but there are jus too many people I wanna thank. And I do not want to miss out any of you guys. So, I'll just make it general. You guys should know who you all are :D Thanks for leaving such awesome memories in my life. They were too beautiful that I didn't wanna let them go to start a new life.. But I will bury them deep in my heart... And keep them alive forever. I wish and pray for my wonderful friends to have a wonderful life! may God bless you guys x)

There're many more wonderful memories, but I just can't remember for now. But hey, it's 2011.. wow~! I vividly remember last year... The exact same moment. I didn't anticipate New Year cos I was too afraid of SPM hahaha~! It's amazing.. SPM ended~! I remember saying that I envied them for having moment of their lives. Here I am today, but not feeling happier than what I thought I would be. But I believe it's just temporary.. I am happy, just not THAT glad that things are slowly changing and taking another phase in life. I'm just scared, but I know I will have to face it no matter what, right? Who knows, maybe 2011 will be better than 2010(I SERIOUSLY HOPE SO!!!) xD

I've had my 2010 resolutions last year. But I think I didn't manage to complete all. Kinda sad... Should I make one for this year? Don't feel like.... I just wanna be a better person, but at the same time sincere with my thoughts and actions towards people. Oh, speaking about sincerity, heh~ I feel lik posting about it later on. It's an interesting subject. lol... Alright, I think I've written too long for a post.. Ooops.. Don't think anyone read it till the bottom too. haha.. I shall salute u if u do =P

A late one, but HAPPY NEW YEAR 2011!!! :D Hope 2011 brings even more happiness and good health to everyone =)

p/s: I feel I should change my style of blogging.. It's boring and emo. And I dislike it... I'm just glad that blogging is a way of releasing my emotions to feel much better :) Maybe it'll be the last post of being this way..I'll try to change but I can't guarantee :)

p/s/s: Yap Sheng Wei~! here is an appreciation for you for waiting so loyally for me to finish posting this up! hahaha... I heart you xD

Desicions in life.

2010-12-24T23:45:00.003+08:00

The individual is responsible to make their own individual decision. The community and/or society can take a stance, but should not interfere in the individual's decision.

It's really amazing, don't you think so? With that wide decisions in life, everyone leads a different life. Even by making the smallest decision in whatever you do can change your life forever. It's scary... That explains why I am always indecisive! I never wanna make the wrong choice in life. Although I know I've made many wrong ones before. :/

From the day we are born till the very end of our lives, it seems like we have to make decisions almost every second. From the smallest to biggest decisions...

Am I the only one having problems in making decisions?
Am I the only one having dilemmas frequently?
Am I the only one who is always indecisive?
Am I the only one who is afraid of changing directions in life?

I wonder at times, do I have my own thinking?
I'm always asking others for opinion..
And then only agree or reject theirs.
Why can't I decide on my own?

I got frustrated yesterday again! For the same reason T.T I do not know what I'm really interested in. Which course do I like? Which suit me? Which should I go for? I freaking freaking do not have an idea Zzz~ Okay fineeeee, I do have an idea.... but I wonder if it's the right decision. I can't help but to think really deep about it. This is a big decision in life... It's as if your life will depend on it; what you'll be in the future.

People's words influence me easily.

When I thought I have made a decision,
Others' point of view affected me,
Why can't I stick to my original thinking?

I feel stupid at times.
Why don't I have my own stand?
Why is it so hard for me to decide?
Can't I just pick something?

p/s: Like seriously, why is it so hard? I'm making things more complicated... it's just as simple as ABC actually. I know I can't have a perfect decision... guess I just have been analyzing things too much zzz.

I'm 17 today.. will be 27 and then, 37...

2010-12-11T01:46:00.002+08:00

Yeah, the title actually summarizes all that're in my head lately.

Spm ended. As much as all of us wanted to have the freedom we always wished for, I thought I really longed for it badly too. Then, when the clock ticks nearing 3.30pm during Biology Paper 3, I was sighing, not a sigh of relief, but a sigh realizing that a chapter in life will end. It's just the second or even third(since it's midnight) day since that paper, and yet, I'm feeling lost and lifeless already after leaving that aim we all had before; to ace in SPM. Now that it has ended... I realize that more heavy responsibilities are to be carried on our shoulders; we're leaving the road of a teenage life, and piercing through the real world.

Okay, this may just be me thinking too much. But I'm sure questions like these are not only in my head for these past few days.

What will happen after SPM?

What should I do after SPM?

Where will I end up being next year?

How will all our friendship be after this?

Honestly, I feel dumb! Dumb for being so unaware about the world outside. Dumb for not using opportunities in life to learn new things. Dumb for being afraid of little things. Dumb for wasting time. Dumb for not having an aim in life. Dumb for always depending on others. Dumb for being lazy. Dumb for feeling lifeless. Dumb for not knowing even the simplest thing.

And this dumbness cannot continue in life, or I'll be like 'katak di bawah tempurung'

I cannot continue having the childish and immature thoughts, feelings and behaviours anymore. Life, people or even things change. So, we gotta change too... Change to be a better and more knowledgeable person in life :) That's what I believe is important.

Have not planned a list on what to do during this holiday. Will plan one soon...very soon. Will post it up if I feel like...

Till then,

Cheers

2010-11-21T10:34:00.002+08:00

I wish this nightmare will end soon.. very soon in fact! (no, I'm not talking about SPM)

(Now, i'm talking about SPM) Anyways, hope we'll manage to get through it without any regrets. Let us stay strong till the very end paper...

I will work hard and not give up a single bit at all. x)

Good luck and all the best for this war, my friends..^^

SIGH!!!

2010-11-12T13:38:00.003+08:00

Sigh.......
Mixed feelings after experiencing the last day of school...

Sigh.......
Will work hard for SPM and not regret a single thing..

Sigh.....
Does not want to think other stuffs besides SPM...

Sigh.....
Things are ending..

Sigh.....
What will happen after everything?

Sigh...
I thought I just said I didn't wanna think about anything else..

Sigh...
What is wrong with me?

Sigh....
I have the greatest of everything but I've never appreciate and use them fully.

Sigh.....
Spm will come even if we don't want it to...

Sigh..
I'm convincing myself that I can do it.. I can right?

Lastly, I will sigh with a smile :)
Hope God will bless all of us and that we can stay strong till the end of our road!

I GET IT!!!!!!

2010-10-30T16:29:00.002+08:00

OMGoshhh~

I actually get it... after like hours of.....(not saying it xD)

Alright.. gotta get back to my senses! lolol...

Can't believe how stupid I was...

weeee~ I get it! FINALLY!

=DDDDD

frankness+10/10/10

2010-10-10T02:40:00.017+08:00

Just feel like pouring this thinking here... Will I feel better? Let's try and see then....

Okay, I'm just thinking about the recent changes I have this year... It feels like I've found myself. I can be myself anytime or anywhere I want to... BUT, my frankness makes me kinda worried at times... You see, I say things I dislike about my friends straight in their face. lol... No wait, I'll have to be comfortable with you for doing that la.. Or else, I'll just keep my mouth shut for till God knows when. But but.... I'm thinking if it's right to be so frank. Once a while I guess it's okay or it's needed.. But Gosh~ at times I know that I went overboard... Or maybe said things I shouldn't be saying that I hurt my close ones. One of my friends told me that it's good to say it out... But well, some others got hurt by my saying.. well yeah, those I admit that I was wrong for not understanding his feelings at that moment; just thinking of speaking my thoughts out about that matter. Hmm~ And... it's more like I'm even more used to being like that nowadays.. Well, thanks to my very very close friend in school, M lol.. Surely you'll know who's that with that initial... She wouldn't stop me from doing or saying them!!! And she wouldn't get angry! lol.. And I'm like... over using my frankness? I don't know.. I just feel it isn't right at times, but yet, I can't control it.. some things just blurt out from my mouth just like..*poof*~ It'd be so horrible and rude if I do that to a stranger.. He will definitely think..'what the !^@$@)$@#!' And that's actually why i'm kinda worried to be in college.. here, my friends understand me. They know that I didn't mean to hurt them either way round.. But it takes time to really understand what I really am thinking. Even I myself am blur at times....

Next, My anger! Or temper is quite horrible too.. You see, I get angry and also happy easily! But both will just disappear in thin air that fast too.. Shorter words, it's temporary~ It's good and bad at the same time right? =/ And yes, i do get emotional easily.. for some shouldn't-even-be-thought-as-somthing-that-can-make-someone-angry thing. but yeah, I do.. sensitive I guess~ xD

Anyways, it's 10/10/10.. Such a special date isn't it.. and it'd my dearest dad's birthday!!! =D Happy birthday PAPA! (even though you're not reading this xD) I inherited most of my dad's genes.. LOL! Love you!!!!!!!!! ehehehe.. :3
Explored the new camera.. And it has smile sensor or detector or whatsoever you call it(it automatically takes the picture if you're smiling) Damn freaking freaking chun!!!! (I know I'm outdated, but just let me to be excited for now k? lol) that's how the lovely pictures were taken.. haha~ cute eh? the people I love with all my heart.. =)

And besides that... Since there's a new camera at home.. My itchy hands obviously will not let go the chance of exploring photography~ eh, I do have interest in them..just that I never had the chance to try it =P So let's see all these simple things I took.. don't laugh k~

Full of Emotions.

2010-09-15T22:40:00.004+08:00

Frustrated+Irritated+Annoyed+Losing Patience+Blaming Myself+Hating what I'm doing+Unhappy+Confused+Worried+Needs to do important things but keep wasting time+needs time alone+Doesn't want school to reopen!!!!!+Needs to not only believe in myself, but work realllllly hard+needs endless effort and desire to succeed+*prays for a friend's dad*+wants to just stop everything what I'm doing now and just start working 24/7 till that day arrives+ doesn't want tomorrow to come+Has minor problems which are not bothered(I think?)+Has major problems(but everyone has them)+Doesn't want certain things to end+can't get something annoying out of my head+Stubborn+Hatred+temporary happiness+booksbooksbooksbooks!!!!+SPM SPM SPM!!!!!!!!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sorry for those lengthy things.. I just felt like pouring all those out from my brain! I'm okay.. just felt really frustrated! well, just now.... now much better. thanks to some random friends =) And I sincerely am praying for one of my friend's dad. I hope God will bless him and that her family can stay strong. *prays* Alright, whatever happens tomorrow, let's just go with the flow then(although I don't want tomorrow to come).

You need to wake up before it's too late...

Oh! I watched many videos from everywhere a lot. And there's this one which really caught my attention.. It says..

Just don't regret in what you do... Even if it's the wrong thing, continue to make it right then.. just don't regret what you have done.

It's so true i feel. Even though I may feel that I have wasted my time all along doing nonsensical stuffs... But they made me to be who I am. Yes, you all should know that I've wasted my time a lot to catch up a lot about my Alexander and hyun joong/SS501! =P But I actually get to learn things and they made me happy.... well, for that moment~ xD And also, I've stayed up just to chat and get to know my friends, but this made me get closer to many great friends =) I certainly never regretted them despite feeling tired at times. I will do many things in the future which I won't regret! No more regrets in the future...

Farewell everything.

2010-08-19T14:16:00.006+08:00

Mann~ I seriously do not know what is wrong with me. I feel like killing myself for not being able to concentrate and always feeling tired easily! Gosh.. It's sickening to feel like that.. ALWAYS! I hate how I'm not even serious about how little time I have and how I'm addicted to K-pop once again.. And worse, with that kind of obsession feeling Zzz~ It's okay.. I know I'll get over it, since I've kinda slowly getting over it. slowly.. yeah lol.

Well, Not only those distractions, few things happened... So, I couldn't concentrate properly.. Fineee, I'm using them as reasons. whatever~ lol. I really couldn't concentrate for these things, although there're not it's not reasonable xD Ah, anyways, my bro left Malaysia to America last Monday.. Honestly, I felt okay for the past few weeks, until the day before he left. If you know me, I'm those type who cant stop thinking about it once I'm sad about something. Everything just felt so different and scary. How he was acting a little different from normal, like doing things he doesn't used to.. When i realized that, I felt.... yeah~ And that night when my sister said goodbye to him. lol.. I tried REALLY hard to stop my tears. Succeeded a little only, cause it did roll down my cheeks. But I realize that I wasn't the only one. All the ladies did cry that day; my mom, both my sis and me xD

So yeah, it was really sad.. And I couldn't focus obviously. That night before, I seriously found it hard to hold back my tears, until few friends consoled me.... And those videos of Alexander cracked me up. So, I was chilled.. Anyways, hope he's having a great time there and that God will bless and take good care of him there =D I actually realize that I love him that much.. I guess absence makes heart grow fonder eh? =)

Oh gosh Oh gosh... I'm feeling guilty~ day by day.... How I've been wasting my time for lotsa.................... Oh they're not completely nonsense xD Fine fine.. I've been gaga-ly crazy over Alexander lol.. This time, really crazy. Haha.. he's really cuteeeee. And how he can speaks 7 languages really amazes me. Wow lar.. I can only speak lik 2++ languages? T.T shame of myself.. He's reallly cute.. And no, I don't mean his looks, but his persoanilty. Haha. You know how I fall for someone's personality... Gosh, So perefect for a boyfriend. He'll never fail to make you laugh. Such a cheerful, happy and cute guy... Who wouldn't want him? lol.. Someone help me~!!! I need to get out of this love.. I know.. I'm crazy =D

Time to get real serious.... My sis actually told me..'Why the way you act like you don't have SPM one? I don't even remember myself being like that last year' Aaaaaah~ I know... I seriously need to work hard. Guilty with every moment I'm online.. AND I WILL NOT ONLINE AFTER MY BIRTHDAY. yes, stupid rulse made by me.. Why after my birthday? I just need to satisfy myself and end everything on my birthday at least right? but, you know what.. I don't even feel excited for my birthday. Ahh~ this year is really hectic and busy. I don't expect anything much this year.. Not only the mood is gone, I..... Nevermind. I don't know how to continue HAHA. lame me.
Oh. but I did celebrate it with my family last sunday, before my bro left.. =) a short but meaningful one. And i love the cake! Lavender cakes rocks! xP

I'm a total freakk~ Why am I even here.. I should be studying. that two-digit number has been really really........... !@#$%^ me.. ish~

p/s: I'll get over Alexander for these few months.. I'll be back Alexander~! xD
p/s/s: Gambateh! Fighting! Jiayoujiayou! See ya after SPM =)

Never give up..

2010-08-03T22:34:00.003+08:00

"When you feel like giving up, always remember that there are more people out there who have worse lives.."

Stay strong everyone..... including myself =)

p/s: Maybe it's better that way.

P/s/s: Problems.. shoo shooh~! =P

2010-07-28T18:14:00.004+08:00

I'm surprised to be back blogging. I thought I would never blog anymore until SPM ends. But oh well, here I am...

Anyways, tests just ended today, but there's no any... 'Merdeka' for us... well, Merdeka is only after SPM right? I took it as an exercise only actually. Besides, we have some physics quiz tomorrow. I have not even read anything yet.. Not like my Physics is thaaaaat goood. I can't even remember the formulas. Gosh, i wonder if I am a student who's sitting for SPM in four months' time. Sickening... SPM SPM SPM~ ishh~ OMG~ How many times have I mentioned the word 'SPM' in this post so far? Zzz~ Spoiling the mood... Life will seriously be almost perfect without it.. I'm enjoying my form 5 life as much as I can. Laughing like a crazy girl almost every moment in school or tuition. Ahh~ that feelings rocks. I hated myself for not appreciating life during form4; how I wasted my form4 hating and complaining about it every single day. Now that I wanna appreciate form5, it's gonna end soon. How sad, isn't it? How I wish it can last longer.. I still can't see my future life in college. Kinda worried actually @.@

I thank god for my life right now. Since the incident with my family, I now have better life. Oh well, maybe it's just my thinking that made me feel that way. Nothing really changed, just I feel good. I don't know why xD It feels like they understand me more :) And I need not be the one hiding things from them cause I know they're always there to help me =)

Oh Oh... You know what~! I got to wake up at around 3am for the past two days. Kinda shocking.. Haha! Alfred's way of studying lol. Well, but I guess i got to wake up miraculously because I needed to revise for tests @@. I have to say luck was really on my side along this test. Thank you God once again for helping me. I almost left Bio not reading AT ALL, thinking that the Bio test may be the end of the day, so I'll have time to revise in school last minute. But wow, I woke up without alarm at 2 something and read it up till around 5 plus. Gosh~ How lucky I was, Bio was the first paper lol. Other subjects also lar.. Although I was lucky, I'm not saying that I'll do well... I did make several mistakes too. Add maths.... it's ok.. At least I learn form my mistake x) Physics Lol.. the reading made me wrong for almost all. But I changed it last minute except for the graph. Arrhh~ I am seriously amazed by myself on how relax and calm I could be during physics. I just realized that I recorded the reading wrongly when teacher wanted to collect all the papers. Haha.. Changing it slowly and laughing at the same time. Gosh~ I guess I was crazy eh? Or I guess it was because Maaran was helping me to delay time. Haha..

I guess I really have that much to write out =/ What to expect... After a month plus not blogging xD I doubt anyone will even read them all. It's okay.. I feel contented expressing them myself ;) I love how I'm being myself more with family and friends nowadays. It feels so...ME! LOL! Seriously, that feeling rocks! But I know being me..... I hurt people with my words at times without even realizing. Sorry.. But if you really know me, you'll know I never meant to hurt you. At times, I'm just too frank and speaking out my shouldn't-be-spoken-out-thoughts xD HOnestly, there are some people whom I really wanna be comfortable with and... just be myself. But it's not easy. Certainly not... Especially when there's a big group around. Ah~ =( I feel stupid at times. Acted the opposite way as I really wanted.. Ahh~

Lastly, dedicated to my friend... =)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BESTEST FRIEND out there. My very very good friend since primary. I would say.. A best friend since primary. Although we're from different school, I sincerely hope our friendship will last forever. It may not be possible, but I hope it will happen =) I love talking and laughing with you about even the smallest thing ever. I love how comfortable I am when I'm with you... I would say that you're the one I'm most comfortable with. I love every moment with you.. Wo Ai Ni!

p/s: I can't get enough of SS501! *prays* that they won't break... Forever double S 501 =)

And I shall close the curtains!

2010-06-18T23:13:00.004+08:00

Too many random things to say; can't put them into proper sentences..

1. I realised that I've never regretted some of my actions. Of course, there are things which I regretted a lot, like wasting time... But recent things happened, and what's in my mind is..'My efforts were paid off'. And i smiled =)

2.I know I've said it like million times. But this time, I'm really serious. I will not online for a really long period. Even facebook, I've deactivated it. There's really not much time left.. As you can see, the countdown time on the left. I know I'm so unprepared. Always believing that I can do it if I work hard, but I know that it will be impossible if it's too late. So, here am I starting it right now. Things like deactivating my facebook, not gonna sign in my msn and others are just the first step towards my goal. Gambateh! ^^

3. I thank God for something that I've owned for a long time, but never realized them myself. I realize how lucky I am to be here today. To be where I am or who I am... But no, that does not mean my life is perfect. It has its obstacles, but I know there are no problems which you cannot solve. =) I'm just thankful my problems aren't as big as others. I know how others have suffered more than me, yet still being so strong.

4. Also, I thank God that my sis got Jpa scholarship =))) I was honestly down about something that day, but that news made me forgot about that problem. I should say that that problem vanished into thin air.. Even after thinking about that, it's no longer a problem to me. It's more like I've accepted the truth and am cool with it ^^. Nope, I'm not faking it. =D

5. I can't wait to start school, to meet my friends, to learn new things, to meet people! But at the same time, I do not want to this precious holidays to end! i really need more time... Okay, it was my fault for wasting this opportunity during this holiday. Well, I'm not giving reasons, but many things happened during this holiday, so I couldn't focus well enough. But I know, right now... I am well-prepared to start.. to on the nerd-mode.

6. I've wasted too much time for other things. Well, I'm not saying those things I've done are a waste of time... those things I've done, made who I am today =). But for now, it's time to leave them aside. My time to focus on my main objective is the main thing.

7. I put this as my status in facebook days ago. It says..'I am comfortable with you if I ever told you what I dislike about what you're doing' Yeap, so think about it yourself =) I know very well on who I am comfortable with, but if you were to ask me.... I may not tell you the truth to not hurt you. (=

8. I know my own body. I am (very) unhealthy right now. I'm trying my best to be healthy. Exercising whenever I can... Did that twice already with parents last two days. Eating lesser and more healthy food.. I really hope that they can help me. *prays*

9. I hate myself for acting all.... with people! I'll regret my actions later, but it's too late. Not like I can go back time to change my reaction. But oh well, that's me. Accept me for who I am, or else byebye! xP

10. I may be naive. I may have been cheated by some people. But you know what? I don't hate them... They once made me happy, so there's not reason to hate these people. ^^

11. Lastly, my dear SS501 whom I love a lot! Lol~ love ya love ya love ya <3

Good night people! Bye everyone! I wish you all the best and may God bless you! I mean it from the bottom of my heart. Take care... ;)

If you wanna know how I feel, listen to my heart..

p/s: I know I've repeated the same thing over and over again. What should I say... Oops? haha xP

byebye confusion =)

2010-06-15T22:17:00.002+08:00

I am no longer in the state of confusion!!!

Awww~ I just love sleeping

It finally helped me to understand one thing..

Maybe because I was tired for few days.

That sufficient rest helped everything!

Yay~! =D

The end. =)

Can you understand? =/

2010-06-05T00:02:00.004+08:00

Some random things I wanna blog....

This afternoon, Thashene messaged me..

Thashene: Hey, where's Mr.Sundram teaching now?

yinyiN...: Where? In there I guess? Since before our class there's another class..

thashene: PIG..! I meant which part of chapter 3... omg!

HAHAHA... So stupid of me right? Lol..xD Was thinking that she wanted to find Mr.Sundram at that moment. Lol lar...

Okay, yeap.. I'm going for a Biology tuition in the end! After like a year wondering whether I could count on my own for Biology subject........ and the answer is N.O! I needed someone to explain to me about the process. Find it kinda hard 2 understand especially about plants. Oh well, but i sacrificed my BM tuition for a Bio tuition. Is that stupid? Many got shocked when I told them I stopped my BM tuition. Well, it's not like i can't go for both that tuition, it's just that I do not want to attend that many tuition classes. Well, and I certainly did not regret, not even a single bit for doing that. =) Mr.Sundram actually made me feel that Bio is interesting! I once hated Bio more than History, but now, I got to learn many new things that are happening around the world and in our body xD I'm really glad I took the risk and made that decision.. Definitely one that I never regretted ;)

Another one that I did not regret doing is dropping EST and only taking nine subjects. Well, honestly even after signing the slip for dropping EST, I was still hesitating and feeling sad. All the emotions were like in my head... Whether or not i will regret my actions later on. And so, the mid-term exams just passed by, and you know what? It made me feel so much more relieved with the fact that I had dropped EST! haha... I had more time to study for other exams and relax(talk, laugh and rest my mind!) And I realize that I will be 'Merdeka' earlier than others during SPM~ Although it would be nicer to celebrate that freedom with my friends, I still feel that I can be relieved earlier ;)

It's funny at times, don't you think? When I was younger, I never thought of it.... But as time goes by, it now becomes an obstacle in my life. Whether it is just me or that others are making fun of it, I am both hurt for that. Okay, I admit that I may be over sensitive about it at times, but at the same time, I am HURT that some people use it to make fun of me. They think it's funny to act and pretend like me.. Of course, I would just smile and joke over it too. I wonder if those people even understand how I felt... I don't think so eh? If they do, they wouldn't have done that in the first place Zzz~ It's okay.. I don't hate them or what. They're great people... Maybe it's just me? Yeah, things weren't like that last time... maybe because I was always avoiding and they realized it. It's not like I want to do so too, zzz~ nevermind.. only some will understand what I'm saying or how I'm feeling.

Regarding that, I wonder if my mom understands me too. Well, of course I will have to tell her how I feel for that to happen right? But those words just won't come out from my mouth that easily. It's hard... Haihz~! I really really wish there is a solution... It's so hard to open up to her. Great, I'm dragging it further... Now I do not know when it'll get done.

p/s: I'm sorry, I can't get rid of one horrible, terrible and horrifying attitude of mine. I tried though... it just won't go away~ Don't ask me why... I myself don't know the reason. Or maybe the reason doesn't lie in me? Or maybe I just can't forget? Yeah, that's me...

I think I better leave right now..

2010-05-28T01:08:00.001+08:00

I'm here, just like I said

Though it's breaking every rule I've ever made

My racing heart, is just the same;

Why make it strong to break it once again?

And I'd love to say "I do";

Give everything to you

But I could never now be true

So I say...

I think I better leave right now

Before I fall any deeper

I think I better leave right now

Feeling weaker and weaker

Somebody better show me how

Before I fall any deeper

I think I better leave right now

I'm here, so please explain

Why you're opening up a healing wound again

I'm a little more careful, perhaps it shows

But if I lose the highs at least Im spared the lows

Now I tremble in your arms

What could be the harm?

To feel my spirit calm?

So I say...

I think I better leave right now

Before I fall any deeper

I think I better leave right now

Feeling weaker and weaker

Somebody better show me how

Before I fall any deeper

I think I better leave right now

I wouldn't know how to say

How good it feels seeing you today

I see you've got your smile back

Like you say - you're right on track

But you may never know why

Once bitten, twice as shy

If I'm proud, perhaps I should explain

I couldn't bear to loose you again

Yes, I will.

I think I better leave right now

Feeling weaker and weaker

Somebody better show me how

Before I fall any deeper...

I think I better leave right now.

Worst person ever=Me.

2010-05-08T21:09:00.003+08:00

Maybe I'm really over this time,

Maybe it is really my fault,

Maybe I should not fight back,

Maybe I should not think that I'm always right,

Maybe I should not feel that the whole world owe me something,

Maybe.... I'm not so strong after all.

There are times where I feel like giving up, but i know that's not what I'm supposed to do.

Today, I really feel like bursting. I just feel like expressing them all out here so that I'll feel better. I'm sorry... I can't just tell someone that easily. I'm not that type of person who tell someone merely what I'm going through. I know I would break down that easily... And I broke down a little already when talking to Jodee in the phone just now, so I stopped. Sorry Jo, it's not that I don't wanna tell you what happened, it's just that I know I will not be able to even finish what I wanted to tell. I remember crying in my Karin's house when talking about it. Of all problems, this is the only one that I'm really sensitive bout although I'm acting as if I am strong in the outside.

Maybe they're right. I should not act like I'm that big and demanding things to be my way. I hate myself in this way too... I hate what I'm doing, yet I still...... At times, I know that I'm right, so I really fight back. But at times when I know that I'm wrong, I still fight back. I do not know why. Maybe for pride? Zzz~ How stupid of me~ It seems like the word 'sorry' is just too hard to say.

How I wish someone can understand me completely and just hug me and tell me that everything's gonna be alright. I don't know if I'll change my terrible,horrible and disgusting attitude... I don't know if I'll even try to do so. Pathetic of me, I know. I suck to the max.

You know when you have problems, you'll think negatively till the stage where you think you're all lonely in this world. But thanks Jodee and Karin for caring at this moment. Sorry for not telling both of you what happened. But I'm better after crying. I just haven't found the solution for this...

Should I change....?

2010-05-07T00:04:00.002+08:00

Everybody needs inspiration,
Everybody needs a song.
A beautiful melody,
When the night's are long.
Cause there is no guarantee,

That this life is easy...

And when my world is falling apart.
When there's no light to break up the dark,
When the waves are flooding the shore,
I can't find my way home anymore.

p/s: I'm tired.

Thank you people! ^^

2010-04-03T11:26:00.003+08:00

Too many things that I wanna share with people about myself, the people around me and whatsoever.

Firstly, I wanna thank my friends for their support and blessings for the chess competition last Wed and Thurs. Everything was so sudden... the week before the competition, Marlene came to find me to ask me join the competition. I was shocked... I didn't have any skills at all; not knowing any tactics; only knowing how to move the pieces... Somehow, I wasn't supposed to join, but Mr.Pandyian wanted me to join. I told him directly that I may lose even all the games there and that might pull the team down, but he didn't give me any pressure by saying...'lose win also nevermind lar'. Of course, that doesn't mean that I could just lose like that. I didn't want our team to lose just because of me and feeling bad for that, so I really practised hard, learning the steps... Playing against friends in the computer, school and all... Thanks to everyone who taught me especially Maaran. He taught the basics step by step in school, in computer and all.. No one would have put up with me. haha.. And also many others-Kai Ren, Mayure, Han Yern, Rubanyah, Karin, Jo Dee, Fawwaz, Addin, Marlene, Siaw Harn, Sheng Wei, Rj, Marc, Chen, Jun yi...... Thank you for your support, help and blessings! Thanks to you guys that our school team managed to win 2nd; both guys and girls! ^^ I love being there despite the pressure on the second day. Managed to make many friends there and exchanged numbers, msn and facebook.

Alright, too much about it. Wanna share something actually. I read it from a...magazine that Ching Yin was reading. Whatever that was written there was really true. Like someone actually understands how you feel and the remedy for it. One of it, how to build your confidence. Of course, someone like me really need it lots. Many tips they gave.. but one that I feel will really work is that... For example, you don't do well in your test. What do you tell yourself? The usualy ones would be...'Stupid la me!', 'So simple also cannot do', 'I'm a failure/so useless'.. But what happens if your friends get bad results? Will you say the same things to them? It's weird.. the same thing happens, but we tend to say it differently to your friends.. You wouldn't tell your friends, 'What lar you, stupid'. Instead, you will say..'It's okay, you can try again next time. Don't ever give up! You still have time. It's not too late' So, why don't you say them to yourself when it happens to you? Instead of saying those discouraging words that will pull your confidence down, tell yourself that you should never give up and work harder next time. Don't repeat the same mistake again, right? I feel like I'm regaining my confidence a bit by bit. From talking to strangers to speaking in front of the crowd. =)

About that, it reminds me about an incident during the chess competition where a girl, Gladys from bukit kuda.. She came to me after the last round of hers to thank me profusely for encouraging her before the game. I didn't know that a small word of mine made a big impact on her. She said she was really down that she needed someone to say those words to her and I did that. Really glad that I helped her ^^

Anyways, here I would like to thank someone who made me stand up again. Yes, I almost gave up or to be precise, I felt lost. And at that time, someone came to me, advised and believed in me, making me believe that I can do it. I feel really lucky to have that person as a friend in my life. Like God has sent him to me. =) Instead of complaining about my life, I now feel really grateful for what I have. I feel extremely lucky to have many close friends around me; even that I know I cannot find the 'you' in my life anymore. Even my friends agreed; there's not such person in life, right? No one will be there for you every single time. Not your family, friends or even your special one. But having them there at times to be there for you is lucky enough ^^

I will not touch my blog for a long long time. Not sure how long, but yeah, really long. Maybe even after SPM or what. And also, I know that because of Spm, the form 5s will not have any proper goodbyes. So, I would like to say... I really love you guys out there! =) Used to hate my class last year, but I realize that my class is one of the best! 5s2 rocksss! xP

Omg~ Am hearing this song now-Everyday I love you. Feel like so..... into it now.

I don't know but I believe
That some things are meant to be
And that you'll make a better me
Everyday I love you
I never thought that dreams came true
But you showed me that they do
You know that I learn somethng new
Everyday I love you
'Cos I believe that destiny
Is out of our control (don't you know that I do)
And you'll never live until you love
With all your heart and soul.
It's a touch when I feel bad
It's a smile when I get mad
All the little things I am
Everyday I love you
Everyday I love you boy
Everyday I love you
'Cos I believe that destiny
Is out of our control (don't you know that I do)
And you'll never live until you love
With all your heart and soul
If I asked would you say yes?
Together we're the very best
I know that I am truly blessed
Everyday I love you
And I'll give you my best
Everyday I love you

Love you all! =)

-yiNyiN-

Things should be clear

2010-03-22T13:49:00.002+08:00

Hey..! I plan not to blog for quite some time... But something really made me feel !@#$^ today. Someone asked me about my previous post... 'Oh yinyin, You really want a bf ar..??'... I was like..Wth!? Must that someone be a boyfriend or a girlfriend to you? What I really meant was just a normal great friend regardless of the gender( didn't you see the previous post? whenever I need him/her?).. It's because I feel that, my friends around me aren't that.... ermm~ Not to say not sincere.. It's just that.. they can't be there for me every single time I need them. Disappointments come and go... What I really want is that someone to be perfectly there for me every time. But I know, such person is still not there for me. At times, I still feel left out even when I'm with my close friends. At times, I still feel like I'm not part of them even though I'm close with them. At time, I still don't tell my secrets to them even that I trust them that much. It's weird.. I just feel I don't have someone truly there for me yet... Get it!? Zzz~

ne-va-mind.. just clearing things up.

And anyways.. it's my jodee's birthday today! haha.. Happy birthday wifeyy! Love yaaa =)

Where is 'You'?

2010-03-13T18:00:00.005+08:00

You make me smile like the sun

Fall out of bed sing like a bird

Dizzy in my head spin like a record

Crazy on a Sunday night

You make me dance like a fool

Forget how to breathe

Shine like gold buzz like a bee

Just the thought of you can drive me wild

Ohh you make me smile

Beautiful lyrics isn't it? How I wish to find the 'You' in my life... Someone who can make me laugh/smile every second, someone who's always there whenever I need him/her... That feeling is the best; you know you have someone to talk to whenever you want to, someone who can put a smile on your face, supports and encourage you whenever you're having the toughest time...

SPM results were out on Thursday.. What should I say? Seeing them taking results with either tears of joys or sadness made really worried.. The following year, it'll be my turn.And I'll be the final one in my family to take a major exam. You know how it feels.. when i received the message from my sister about her results, I felt happy for her of course.. but at the same time, I'm feeling the pressure. Can I do better than her? Yes, I'm taking only 9 subjects excluding Est but I'm seriously hoping to get straight A+.. Honestly, the other day when I decided to drop Est, I felt.... is sad the word? I'm not quite sure... I know I will not do well in that subject, so I hope I will not regret. Seeing many other smarter and brighter students including my very own sister getting low grades for Est, I know that I have to drop it.

Anyways, it's prefect camp tomorrow. It's kinda all of a sudden.. maybe because it was a test week that not many paid much attention to it or whatsoever. Frankly speaking, I did not plan to go to the camp.... because I did not have the mood and having 4 tuitions for that time... But I know, as a prefect.... I have to go. It's my responsibility and not just because of my feelings.. I hope it'll be really fun.... It will right? I'll just go and enjoy myself..=) I'm feeling really really moody since the SPM results were out that day.. Even when doing my bio test. Hmm~ Why ar? =/

p/s: Sorry for saying all these boring stuffs in my blog always... But that's the purpose of my blog actually. It's to express my thoughts, feelings and behaviours.. That's the reason I changed the tittle of my blog.

Career path...

2010-03-05T17:05:00.004+08:00

Like i said in my earlier post, I need a career in mind or a goal.. This isn't the first time thinking about it, but this is the first time taking it seriously and considering it in every aspect. I'm really worried about it.. What will happen to my future? What will I be in the future? What career suit me the most... One thing I'm really really sure about is that, I will NOT be involved in any science field or subjects later on despite that I'm in the science stream right now. I have no interest at all on the 3 science subjects; biology,physics and chemistry, so I sure hope not to get involved in any of that. I'm thinking of finance and accounting. Should I? My mom encourages me to take that... And I guess it's easy to find a job too right? Hmm... Well, these few days, took some quizzes in internet.. Of course only the good ones I look at.. like this one:

http://www.futureproofyourcareer.com/

First and foremost you are an outgoing type who works well when focused on dealing with the concerns of others. You tend to bring a certain charm and graciousness to your work. You are able to encourage and motivate others to achieve their goals and objectives.

You are likely to work best in situations that take advantage of your outgoing nature and where you can build trust and rapport with others.

You are basically an organised person who operates best in a well structured, predictable environment.

You prefer to be involved in activities that are concerned with the needs of people, rather than impersonal facts and theories. You also prefer a working environment that is supportive and offers encouragement for work well done. You are comfortable being part of a team and will commit to the team's objectives.

You naturally seek high energy action packed situations rather than being a thoughtful and reflective type. This suggests that you would work best dealing directly with other people in face to face situations.

You like to reach closure on the things you are dealing with rather than leaving matters undecided. Beware, because this can sometimes lead to hasty decision-making.

YOUR DOMINANT INTELLIGENCES: Logical Mathematical, Intrapersonal and Interpersonal.
YOUR DOMINANT ABILITIES: Self Awareness, Mathematical, Teaching and Coaching, Verbal Language, Self Discipline and Interpersonal Effectiveness.

The three Fields of Work that best match your abilities, intelligences and interests are:

Computer and mathematical science
Community and social services
Business/Finance Management

Communication skills - your rating: Reasonable

Team skills - your rating: Strong

Adaptability skills - your rating: Room for improvement

Computer skills - your rating: Strong

Business skills - your rating: Reasonable

Learning skills - your rating: Reasonable

Realize my mistake...

2010-03-03T21:23:00.004+08:00

I'm always complaining on

-how tiring my life is...

-how my life sucks..

-how lazy I am every time

-how boring it is in school

-how I do not have the enthusiasm to go to school

But today, I realize that.... I may be tired, but others are more tired than I am. I am tired during/after school... But others are more tired after work. Others have more jobs/activities than me; sports practice, staying back for this and that... I feel that I shouldn't complain so much, but appreciate that I am not as tired as others... How my life is quite colourful with awesome people around me and yet, I still do complain about them. I am always lazy to study and go to school because I do not have a goal Zzz~ Sad but true... I realize that I do not even have a goal; what I want to achieve.. Okay, yes.. straight As of course, but that's what everyone wants. What about my career? What about my future? What about what I really want or get from school? Honestly, I do not know them myself as well... I know that I have to make up my mind as soon as possible so that everything can be arranged or I'll end up regretting this and that... Not much time but I believe that it's not too late. Gambateh yiNyiN~! =)

2010-02-21T09:17:00.006+08:00

This whole week has been really a really tiring week for me. Almost every day I am out either with my family or friends. Trying to minimize my outings... Hate the exhausting feeling after a tiring day. Experienced it like a million time this week. Even had headache and dizziness after some outings. I'm just hoping it'll get better after this. Wait, what I meant is that, I hope I can bear with all the tiring day after this. God bless me! xD

Just a few seconds ago, I found out the truth of something. =/ Arhhh~ But I'm not sure if that supposed to be a happy thing or what. Hmmmm =S Ahh~ who cares...zzz~ Oh ya, had a haircut yesterday(at last!)... Kinda like it but it's kinda short for now.. I guess it'll get better when it grows.

Anyways, I am =) for little things that made my family smile/laugh.. Like yesterday when we were hesitating whether or not to visit I-city cause my mom really wanted to go but when she saw our(bro and mine) reaction, so she decided not to. But we didn't mind going.. and my dad who was driving didn't know where to head that caused my two sisters to laugh loudly that eventually made every one of us laughed. lol... ^^ Ahh, kinda regretted being all moody and not enjoying this chinese new year fully this week.. Cause yesterday when my family and I went out for dinner and all, my mom kept reminding my brother that it would be the last time(3years) he celebrates Cny in Malaysia with our family. Well, just then I realize how important this Cny would be for my family... He'll be leaving for US this coming August.. I doubt if he'll be there to celebrate my birthday too. =/ For the next 3 years then, he'll not make it for Cny in Malaysia. We may not be that close, but I still feel the sadness already with the fact that my brother will be leaving. =( Haihz~

Pictures of family visiting I-city.... Basically, nothing that that special.

I do not know what others think, but to me, family is always first. Family's more important than friends for sure.. Even though at times, friends understand us more than family does, but in the end only your family truly will be there if you face any troubles. They're the one who knows all your dark secrets that your friends don't, but they still accept you for who you are. In the end, friends will go separate ways but family will always stay together. So, my conclusion is..... family is more important than friends. =) But of course, I didn't mean that friends aren't important. I love my friends.. And I do tell them secrets that I don't tell my family. It's just that... I still don't think friends are as sincere as family.

Thoughts..=/

2010-02-19T23:48:00.002+08:00

Just some random thoughts that are on my mind right now...

-The tiring day ended finally...

-Many unexpected plans but still went for it

-Feeling tired, but weirdly, couldn't fall asleep T.T

-Did I regret for not doing something today?

-Wonders how things will change if I really did that =/

-Oh well, not like I could change the past, right?

-Mood's getting better I guess.. Hopefully i don't repeat that anymore =S

-Watched percy jackson and the lightning thief with my sis just now. wooots~ Damn nice and cold! haha.. oops~ i meant the cinema... damn freaking cold Zzz~

-Am glad to see some messages from people I want in msn =)

-Honestly, nothing feels right for me now, but I'm ignoring them and just moving on, hoping that things will turn out better although i doubt that it'll happen =/

-I wanna hate some people but I just can't Gahhh~!!!!

-Heart's hurt deep inside about something everyone's talking about, but no one knows that cause I'm putting a fake smile and laughing along about it too.. Haihz~

-No one to share my problems with... Arhh~ How sad and pathetic right Zzzz~

-Good night people! I'll wake up with a bright smile... =)

pissed~

2010-02-18T21:53:00.002+08:00

Extremely Extremely Extremely PISSED NOW!

Gahhhh~ Don't know what to do or to think..

Wants to blame someone but knows that it's not anyone's fault entirely.

Hates it when things like these happen.

My mood was bad enough for something that happened/did not happen? Zzz~ Some people will understand what I mean...

Even the phone's not helping. Wanted to cool down by phoning my best friend, but somehow the line cut off and I couldn't reach her after that.. WTH~!!!??

You know how it feels when things like... when you thought you have many great friends around you but when something happens, no one is by your side supporting you. It sucks to the max

I don't wanna care about anything like this anymore... sick of it

p/s:just ignore meeeeeeeeee... need to burst out somewhere..zzz~

touching story..

2010-02-13T21:49:00.010+08:00

"Happiness and sadness are not caused by your surroundings. They’re caused by your thinking"

Got this meaningful quote from this website... The story is really touching. And I sure wanna know the ending. Arhhh~ My emotions are affected by it.......

http://www.goodybooks.com/ibelieveyou.htm

p/s: Don't ask me why, but I don't have the mood for cny! T.T maybe later? =/

Problem-solved?

2010-02-13T01:34:00.009+08:00

Ahhh~ I can finally breathe some fresh air this time.. I've decided something.. something I know that it is right and will never ever change anymore. So, it feels like another burden in me has been released after hiding it inside for so long. Want me to be honest? I almost cried in school... Luckily I could control my tears. And also thankfully that I had my friends there. Right now, when everything has been decided, I feel like..... I will not be in doubt anymore; thinking whether A or B is a better way. I hope things will get better.. they say that good things don't last, but bad things don't last too. So... =)

Now that one is solved, quite a number of problems around me. Not exactly mine.. Friends' but also a little part of mine.. From few fights around me and also prefectorial board. A little dissatisfactions here and there. Heard a lot... but as usual, being me... I do not wanna cause any more problems by adding fuel to fire. I will do my job as perfect as possible and just hope everything will turn out well, just like the first problem.

Despite all the troubles, I'm actually having fun in school. Many laughter and swt-ness in my class. Lol... And surprisingly, my impression on few teachers have changed. I'm actually enjoying their classes. Yin Yin is no longer emo in school... She doesn't hate school anymore.. haha ^^

Alright, it's kinda late already.. I'll end this post here. Oh, and I realize something.... I'm actually attracted to people who have charisma than looks. Haha... Yeah, I look up on them as I envy them a lot. Of course, from then... if there is a chance, I do wanna know these people.

Wishing everyone a very Happy Chinese New Year and of course, Happy Valentine's day! Appreciate your partner and deal with problems together.. Take care and stay happy everybody. =D

p/s: It was jz a fairytale bt a vry beautiful one. The tale wil remain in my heart forever. Thanks n sry 4 evrything.. =)

Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you'll start having positive results.

unsure..

2010-02-07T19:34:00.005+08:00

I am an extremely good liar... I lie a lot to keep those secrets. Not only mine, but my friends' too.

Is that wrong? =/

I can be an actress. T.t I can really act and laugh a lot in front of others as if I'm happy when I'm not in the inside.

Is that good?

At times, I message someone for no reason because he/she is the only person I could think of at that time especially when facing some problems. It makes me feel that I still have someone by my side supporting me; I'm not alone in this world.

Am I stupid to think that way?

I hate this feeling-unsure certain things that happened are my fault, whether I should feel guilty inside. And also dislike the fact that I forgive people too easily.

Is it good or bad that I'm acting that way?

I hate myself for not knowing which decision is the best for myself so that I will not regret.

Am I wasting my time for something small like this?

Good decisions come from experience, and experience comes from bad decisions.

2010-02-04T21:10:00.010+08:00

So many things I wanna share... But right now, I'm kinda blur~ not sure where to start or what to say. Weird eh..Zzz~

Anyways, it was my very last sports day. No more sports day for me after this.. No more marching =( Awwh~ I'm actually feeling sad that it was my last marching. Didn't wanna join at first, but I guess i would've regretted if I didn't do so. Had fun during practice even though there were arguments here and there... =) Kinda nice this year cause it was held in shah alam there.. xD the best part was of course the bus. heh~ went to that stadium 3years back already actually... I miss those days. Time sure flies.. =( Oh ya, prefects got 4th place in marching xD Am kinda proud of our achievement despite a little disappointed at first. wanted at least 3rd..hehe. But oh well, I'm still satisfied with it... All our hard work and.... being so 'chocolate' worth after all xP and also weeeee~ I didn't faint xD hehe. Kinda scary to see so so so many people fainting around us in the field that time. Luckily i wasn't one of them xP

Chinese New Year is approaching. You know this feeling..... How do I put them into words. Hmm~ Of course I am excited about it.. But at the same time, there's this fear in me for Cny.. cause of how fast time passes.. It felt as if it was only yesterday I was celebrating Cny with my friends last year. And....in a week time, there's another Cny celebration? Just scary lar.. How time flies.. How little time I have to put things back to normal.. How little time I have with some people.. How little time I have to make sure I do the right thing everytime before it's too late. It's just too scary.. Don't you think so? =/ Haihz~ How I wish time would stop every time I'm happy. Happy moments don't last.. I know~ I was happy for the first two weeks of school.. But things have changed.. In fact, I do not know if they'll turn back like they were when I was enjoying those little happy moments. I'm trying to be positive as possible so that it will not affect my studies and also my life of course... I do not want to be that emotional like I was last year( I think?) Whatever's that unhappy, I'll just leave them behind and look at the brighter side of life.I have great friends around me, so I will not waste my time on those who do not bother about me. I'll make the effort, but if they still do not care... that's it. I'm not gonna waste any of my time for you guys anymore. But of course, those who are there for me and put a smile on my face whenever I always needed them, I do appreciate them a lot. =)

Oh ya, kinda love my blog even more right now.. Hehe~ nice eh the layout =P took me a lot of effort to find out how to set it all up and also edit some stuffs to look nicer. Well, I like doing them.. So not a problem for me. ^^

p/s: my favourite cny song every year is in the playlist although its kinda outdated d.. haha

Wherever you go, no matter what the weather, always bring your own sunshine...=)

3words

2010-01-24T14:35:00.004+08:00

Empty, lost, moody... =(

<3 perfect..

2010-01-16T12:04:00.003+08:00

Now that everything feels so right, I'm afraid that things will go wrong once I wake up the next morning. It's like... will they be just a beautiful dream instead of reality once I open my eyes the next day? If can, I do not want anything to change right now. My life is perfect, I have to say.... I got what I wanted, I am being myself, and the people around me-my family and friends... are really great. I have my best buddies around me.. I have someone to talk to when I needed that person, I have got someone to phone or message when I'm feeling bored, I have got people who trust me that they told me their secrets that they don't tell anyone but me which I'm really grateful. But having such perfect life for now makes me afraid of losing such great moments. Like people said, nothing will last forever.. I am extremely satisfied with what I'm experiencing, but I know things will change later on even though that I do not want them to change. Time will pass by and things+people change.. right? I have to accept that fact later on.. But for now, I'm appreciating every single moments, being grateful, and glad.. for I know that the wonderful things that happen will not repeat anymore after this. Let me be happy for now.. Let me smile when thinking about them.. Let me be freed with all problems for now. Just for now... yes, just for now.. Thank you everyone for making my life so wonderful now. Thank you God especially.... =)

Dilemma.. =S

2010-01-13T17:40:00.002+08:00

Now that the school allows us to take 9 subjects, I'm thinking REALLY hard whether or not to take ESt. Argh~ It's so hard to make a decision that I will not regret later...

It's either that I take 10 subjects(including EST) or 9 subjects(without EST)...

I just do not wanna regret later when the results is announced. You see, if I really do take ESt, I am afraid that I will not score in SPM.. My English isn't that good.. Not only that, my general knowledge is like... wayyyyy low! T.T Getting A1 in school was just luck during form4+I do not know my real standard in that subject as my teacher was quite lenient in marking it. Heard that the marking system for SPM is quite strict that it's kinda hard to get an A for it.. Hey, even when attending that EST class that day made me think twice about it again cause the teacher herself discouraged us to take EST. T.T I don't know~~~~ tried asking my mom about it and she said that it's up to me-If I'm not confident in it, then she doesn't mind me dropping that subject. But I feel funny taking only 9 subjects for SPM when almost 100% of the students take 10. Aiyoyo~ How larhh... Which should I choose so that I will not regret? Should I take EST or should I drop it? Should I take 9 or 10 subjects for SPM? Gahhh~

Scared, pissed then =)))

2010-01-09T00:24:00.004+08:00

Yeap, the title says it all.

Scared=the post before this one.. Was extremely worried about my surgery, but in the end received few encouragements from my dear friends.

Pissed= Went to that eye specialist again today at 8.30pm to undergo that surgery as agreed yesterday. Waited damn long.. like around an hour plus till I'm the last patient.. And when I entered, I was asked to lie down... and the nurse put some eye drops on my left eye. The 'best' part was when the doctor came... He suddenly asked, 'Are you sure you want to undergo this surgery? Cause I feel that there may not be anything in it... If you wait for a month or two, most probably it'll get smaller by itself. Hearing that, my mom immediately said..'Okay, then don't need to do'. I was like !!!?????. In the car, I just kept quiet... felt like i was fooled Zzz~ Mom complained too, cause the doctor said it's better to do the surgery yesterday, and today he was hesitating =.=!!. And I'm the victim.. Couldn't study properly since yesterday cause was too worried...Zzz~ So, right now I guess I'll just have to wait for another month or two ans see what happens to my left eye... If it still remains the same, I guess by that time, I'll have to undergo that surgery? =(

happy(now)= After that bad mood thingy, my parents brought me and my sister to eat dim sum for supper.. weee~ didn't know that food can make me feel better xD Okay, I don't feel that angry anymore now.. Just kinda tired of going to see doctor and the same thing just kept repeating.. T.T I wonder when'll I get to eat prawn, crab and others =(

p/s: Food is the best medicine...XP

Surgery...again? T.t

2010-01-07T21:13:00.003+08:00

This is a not-so-nice post to start for the year. My mind is like spinning around the whole world now. Thinking what might happen next.. What will happen tomorrow. How will it be.. Will everything be fine? How much will it hurt again... How can I face people after that.. Zzz~

Okay, I'm not crapping about my form five life...

I'll have to experience a surgery again T.T I'm just feeling.... sad, scared, afraid, worried, confused...... and I don't know Zzz~ Cause of the previous doctor's uncertain answers about when my eye will completely cure, my mom brought me to an eye specialist to check on it. Hey, I thought nothing will happen.. My mom and I even joked on how little time we would take in there compared to other patients.

But, the doctor told that there would be two options..

1. Leave it.. and it MIGHT cure by itself..

2.undergo the surgery inside to check if there's still anything inside.. but after the surgery, it might continue being like that.

I don't even know how to face people with my swollen eye after the surgery.. You know, right after a surgery, that part will still be swollen for days before healing. T.T

Zzz~ no mood for anything right now... lost my spirit to even smile, laugh and even study. T.T I'm afraid if it doesn't cure.. =( It will cure right? Right?

last post for 2009!

2009-12-30T23:41:00.006+08:00

I shouldn't even be here... I was already on my bed with lights all off. But heck, I couldn't fall asleep.. There were too much in my mind. Yeap, again again and again! I know.. I'm complaining the same old thing all over again, right? T.T Sorry, okay? If you're fed up of it, then just stop reading this post. I need to express them all out here. Cause I do not know when will be the next time I'll be updating this blog again... Well, it's the last day of 2009 already. So, I just wanna write down whatever's in my head right now. They're very random actually.. Cause almost everything was in my head just now.. Things that happened years ago, this year, past few weeks, yesterday, today.... and of course, things that will happen in this coming year... Or should I say tomorrow? T.T

A new year, a new start? That's what almost everyone says. I do not know how to even start this coming 2010. Of course, not a year for the form fives to anticipate , right? T.T I am so unprepared.. Okay, here it goes again. Regrets, complains and whatsoever.. I know~ I said I would study during the holidays.. But I didn't. Fine fine. No one else to blame but myself. That's why I'm trying really hard to catch up with the studies during this final bit of time. But so far, again I haven't touched any books at all! I am still reading the same page of my history book since the past few weeks. T.T No improvement.. Nothing! Zzz~ And I took my results two days ago, or yesterday? =.= Can't even remember that.. I guess my memory is getting worse than before. Blah~ about my results, I got an unexpected better position than I imagined. Okay, I got number four. Didn't expect myself to be even in the top 10 list actually. But, nothing to be proud of.. because overall my results wasn't that great anyways. I thought I would fail my BM which would eventually bring me way down.. Cause if you fail your BM, it's counted as failing everything right? Cause for my long essay I went out of the title. So i thought there wasn't hope. Plus, my BM teacher is? lol... No matter how hard I tried this year, especially in mid term, I simply couldn't get an A for BM. Not even A2! Zzz~ But at least, it happened to 90% of my classmates. So...I can still accept it. His style of marking is just.... so not understandable. I do not even know what he wants.

Since it's the very end of 2009.. I like to write about some special things that happened during this year, and maybe a little of the years before too. You see, I always complained on how horrible my life was this year, isn't it? Yeap, a disaster. Crap 'honeymoon' year. I wasted my whole form four and also skipping school a lot. Of course, if I can change, I hope that this coming year, I will not skip school that often anymore(once a while, bolehlar =P) I may hate my form four life a lot, but of course there were many ups in the year 2009 too. I'm not quite sure whether the ups are more or vice versa. Things like my sweet sixteen celebration was awesome where I got to celebrate my birthday in schoold for the very first time because only this year(after 15 years) my birthday did not fall on school holidays. Hehe... But honestly, it felt great but at the same time, weird xD. You see, when people wish and sing for you a 'Happy birthday' song, it's really nice, but at times you do not know what to do or how to even react. xD haha.. Or was it just me? Hehe.. The surprise my three great buddies, Fawwaz, Addin and Mayure did was really wow! Then, when the whole class sang that song for me, I felt really blessed and grateful. Not only that, thanks a lot to the prefects too. The celebration in ktv was cool too. Yummy cake and stuffs.. Ahh~ I miss that a lot. Kinda sad actually thinking that the form sixes wouldn't be there anymore next year. I'm so gonna miss them =( Oh, that's the ups.. for the downs.. When I'm really blessed with the wishes, presents, songs and celebrations from many people.. I was disappointed too at the same time, because someone I really hoped to wish me a simple 'Happy birthday' did not do so... In other words, that person has forgotten my birthday. The best thing about birthday is not about celebrations, presents and all, but when your friends remembering the special date. Was sad, but I'm over it.

Okay, I really hate separations as you all know. Or maybe you don't? Zzz~ But whenever I have to separate with any of my good friends, I would try my best to keep in touch with them even by doing the smallest thing like messaging them both through handphone or msn. Sad yet true, I'm actually getting tired of doing so. Some people don't even care, where obviously it disappoints me a lot. These days, I felt much better than before when things don't go the way I wanted because maybe I was so used to these disappointments that it didn't hurt that badly anymore. Expecting for a reply, smile or even laughter.. Is that hard? Some didn't even bother to reply.. I know how busy people can get.. I understand too. But thinking back, how busy can someone be that even a message can't be replied. I wouldn't mind if it's replied late or what.. And I have to say that not only one message that I've been sending all the while to people out there. I'm making the effort to keep in touch with them, but some just didn't care that I'm really tired of continuing it. Sometimes I even wonder that, if those messages were never sent to that many people, will they still keep in touch with me till now? Or is it just me who want to keep in touch with them that badly? You know what, I am freaking tired to do so.. With the messages, msn, faecbook and all. I will just wait for people who want to continue contacting me, instead of bugging those who don't have the heart to do so. Cause I feel it's not worth doing so... Right? Wasting my time, energy, money and sometimes even tears for these people. So... I will end this.

You may not think of me at all

And I know that we have no memories together

But I really want you

In the end, only my tears will fall..

I miss you, but I'll end it.

Hehe.. I'm okay. No worries xD. By the way, reading people's blog about how life's got harder outside for being a banana is seriously making me very very very extremely worried. I'm sure Jo dee you understand. Haha.. since hers was one of the blogs I read. I'm trying to use Mandarin in my daily life... I'm actually exposed a lot to mandarin. You see, I watch many mandarin-speaking dramas, hear many chinese songs and also many other programs that are related to mandarin. And I have to say, I can understand Mandarin very well.. lol. Not to boast here or what. I used to watch taiwanese dramas without subtitles and I can understand quite well too. It's just the problem with speaking I guess since I'm not used to it; I don't speak mandarin to my family and friends. About this, I want to talk about my very good friend-hui ying. It was her birthday yesterday.. Anyways, she is one true friend who doesn't laugh at me if I make any mistakes in my mandarin speaking. I was close with her when I was form three. We were same class back then, and she helped me a lot in speaking mandarin. Word by word.. And she never got tired of me.. Even with me being slow as usual xD. She has a really pure heart where it's really rare to find in anyone. Not even myself.. Haha. Okaaaay, I should stop talking about her before people think I'm a lesbian. Lol~ xD I'm just grateful to have such a friend.. even though we aren't in the same class already... =)

Oh, about my eyes.. I am so blur about it too. Right after that surgery, the doctor told that it'd take around a week to heal completely(cause it was still swollen that time). So, I waited till a week.. But it was still swollen, so after checking with the doctor, he said it'd take another two weeks to heal. So I waited again. But then, even after returning from Singapore, it was still swollen till now. After checking again, he said see how it'll go after a week. I'm starting to doubt his words =.=!! School's gonna reopen soon but my eyes is still a little swollen. Garhh~ Just hope it'll get better......

Wow, took me an hour to blurt this all out... Ahhh~ I don't know when will be the next time I'll be online or the next time I'll be updating this blog. So, a very last post for 2009..... And I wish everyone a Happy New Year and hope 2010 will bring more joy, happiness and success to everyone out there!!!!(including myself) Hehe..=P... Take care my friends!! Love you guys.. (^.^)

Ahh, not to forget.. My new year resolution:

1.Study harder+smarter=200% xD

2.Be more confident in myself

3.Not to skip school that often anymore

4.Achieve 10A+ for SPM!!!!!

5.To be myself more and not care about what others think.

6.A better relationship with everyone.^^
7.Socialize more with people.

With that, I end my 2009 last post! Bye Bye everyone! =)

Singapore

2009-12-26T23:38:00.022+08:00

Okay..I'm back from Singapore. How was it? The place was great. The view there was awesome. Everything there was so efficient. And the cars there were mostly high-class type+super shiny which I was really amazed. Many good looking people in Singapore; both guys and girls... Hmm~ What else? Overall, the trip was just okay.. Nothing great. It was extremely tiring cause we had to overnight in the bus that Wednesday. T.T So uncomfortable especially for people like me who don't fall asleep easily in places like that. Well, but I managed to sleep for around two hours that night. Honestly, I just didn't enjoy the trip that much.. Not because of the place. Just that.... the schedule was upside down There weren't much time for us to visit SingaporeT.T Nevermind, kinda lazy to talk about it.

Some pictures in Johor-Museum Sultan Abu Bakar(something like that xD)

Something to say about the museum.. I felt really pity to see the dead wild animals there. Especially the tigers.. Heard that they were all caught from Sultan Ibrahim's time. I find it really....Zzz~ So pitiful lar I mean. And there weren't like one or two but....can I say 100? Zzz~ Anyways, I find the things there were mostly from our history book. Especially during form one to three. The mata wang and many others.. All the while I could only see the pictures from books.. But I saw them there. =)

Next up, pictures from Singapore.....Haihz~ I don't know larr. Read Sarah's blog just now and realised that I felt the same as her... I guess if anyone ask me the same question-Are you happy? I wouldn't know what to answer.. It's just... Mixed? I always felt that way, even in Singapore.. T.T And I hate feeling that way. Gahhh~ I'm trying not to think about some people so that I'll feel better. But it doesn't seem to work.. When I almost forget about something or even someone, something must just appear in front of me that made me remember about it again.. Whatever lar~ I'm sick and tired of this feeling. Zzz~

PAIN=surgery! T.T

2009-12-15T16:25:00.002+08:00

Regarding my post before this one, I actually had that surgery right after posting it. T.T Mom suddenly remembered that I should try going that clinic near delta there. So, I just followed her. Gosh~ thing were just so fast that I was so unprepared. I remember following her there.. and it was empty. Then, when they called my name, I entered the room and the doctor was checking my eye. Not long after that, I was on the bed lying... And the doctor injected my eye. Gosh I tell you.. You know how much it hurt to inject even your arm. This is like..my eye? and twice, one in and another one out. Ahh, I didn't know what happened after that.. cause I dare not open my eyes at all.. But I could hear the doctor asking the nurse for something. Something sharp with both ends. Hearing that, I felt like dying.. I think some of my friends know how afraid I am of sharp objects. Even in school when I see friends playing with scissors or blade, I feel a little scared Zzz~ Well, all I could feel that time was extreme PAIN! T.T My mom said there was blood everywhere. Gosh... arh~ I'm relieved that it's over. But thinking about that makes me really weak again.. It feels like I've lost all my energy. Right now, it's not completely healed yet, still a little pain.. But I guess it'll get better..

First surgery.

2009-12-14T19:32:00.003+08:00

Haihz.. Will be having my first surgery ever tomorrow! My eyes some more wei.. T.T It has been like a month since that thing grew below my eyes. I thought it was just something small... Plus, it has gotten smaller weeks ago. But somehow, it grew even bigger these few days and even started to hurt when I blinked. So, my mom brought me to the clinic just now. In my mind was like..'Oh maybe the doctor would just give me some medicine and it'd be fine' But...zzz~ he said he can't handle it, and he asked my mom to bring me to an eye specialist to undergo a minor surgery-around 10minutes. But....... he said it'll have to be done from the inside to avoid scar. Crap larr.. inside??? T.T Never undergo any surgery before since I was young. Scared~ Aaaaaaaaa! H.E.L.P!! =.=

p/s: I think my mom didn't hear what the doctor said, but I heard it clearly. He said..'...because you cried too much' Oh Gosh~ T.t

Bad day..bad dreams?

2009-12-10T22:47:00.004+08:00

What a day lar today T.T.. Is it my problem or what? Gosh... I'm being so careless.. Just now when my family and I were having dinner together, mom asked me to pour some chili sauce on the egg, so I did what she asked.. but, Zzz~ ended up I poured too much. Okay, fine.. that's just a small one. After that, since my sister is enjoying her life right now =.=!!, I had to give Milo food-rice and pedigree... After finish doing that, I went out to give it.. But T.T on the way, the whole plate fell and the riec of course fell too..Zzz~ What is wrong with me?! Obviously, I got some scolding and bla bla~ But that's not the main point. Just feeling like crap these days.. I do ot know why too. I don't have the mood to do anything. T.T I'm actually always online, but in msn, I appear offline. Why? Cause I don't have the mood to chat.. Well, don't ask me why for that. I myself do not know the reason for it Zzz~ Haihz..

And about the dreams.. yes, it's dreamS not dream.. I dreamt some weird things again. Well, if you do not know, I tend to dream things that's playing in my head.. I guess it's because I'm think too much about them that they appear even in my dreams. And well, few days ago, I dreamt weird stuffs. Not like monsters or what... It's just that.. At night, I usually can't sleep properly, as in.. I cannot fall asleep even when the lights are off, or that it's kinda late already. To shorten it, I'm having insomnia=.= But that day was weird.. I could sleep peacefully once i got onto my bed. But the weird thing is that... I was dreaming non stop. After the first dream, my eyes were opened. And then the second dream and so on. Each dream actually was about different person... Where one dream is a story about someone and the other is about another. The dreams were really telling something though; those that are in my mind till now, and it really happened in those dreams... But in reality it haven't happened yet. Cause I'm still wondering and waiting for it. I don't know if you categorize them in sweet dreams or nightmares... Or maybe.. beautiful nightmares? lol..

wooo.. didn't plan to write this long. They just came out from my mind.. Feeling kinda Zzz~ nowadays.. Plans to do many things but ended up doing nothing! kill me for that...

p/s:I envy the form5s.. They can enjoy their lives now. And I'm afraid to be next.. cause I'll have to go through it. Haihz..

15 facts about me.

2009-12-03T15:42:00.003+08:00

Yin yin...

1. hates it when people stare at her...>.<

2.feels that things are getting better at home-mom scolds lesser already cause she cleaned her room yesterday. hehexD

3. now doesn't mind getting a new and better handphone..=)

4. does not want to online anymore so that she can focus on her studies.. But it's not easy, especially when she's already addicted.. But it will work. anytime, or maybe even today? =S

5.has too much in her mind that they haunt her even in her sleep.

6.Really wants to know what her friends are thinking at times..

7.wants to apologize for misbehaving the past few weeks

8.wants people to accept her for who she is; her weaknesses too..

9.hates awkward moments, but always experience them Zzz~

10.envies some people, some families, some friends... But at the same time, she is grateful for what she has

11.is afraid if she has to leave the world... where will she be then?

12. wants to get over something quickly, so she needs to avoid it..

13.feels that she is the worst friend someone can ever get.. T.T

14.wants to continue being a teenager.

15.forgives quickly.. But takes forever to forget

It's confessed.

2009-12-01T01:18:00.003+08:00

I did it already... well, at least three-quarter of it? I'm glad that at least it's out.. After days of in doubt, I finally confess whatever that's deep inside my heart. The reason I cry for nights, the reason for my lack of confidence, the reason for not being myself-or for can't being myself? I've thought of expressing it in my blog to be read by everyone.. But I find it a little too much. Not everyone can accept it. But I guess I found this someone to express everything I felt deep inside since I was born till today.. The thing that haunted me in my dream, the thing that stops me from being myself all the while.. It all came out straight from my heart today. It's not easy to do that.. But I didn't regret it at all.. I don't know how things are going to be, but I am going to live and be stronger than before..

Be grateful for what you have..<3

p/s: A special thanks to that person.. God bless you =)

NINJA ASSASSIN-RAIN <3

2009-11-27T17:11:00.005+08:00

I just came back from aeon after watching NINJA ASSASSIN!!!! omg~ xD That movie was really awesome.. hey, I'm not saying it just because Rain's in it larrr..haha.. The show was a total blast!! The cinema was quite full too.. =))) haha.. Hopefully it'll be a great success! yay for Rain...=P Go watch it people!!! Bet you won't regret... (^.^)
latest picture of my dear Rain...cuteeeee xD
Oh... Not to forget.. My favourite quote from this movie.. Can't remember the exact words.. But It's something like.. 'You will only suffer if you have weaknesses'..
With that..signing off~ take care..and don't forget to watch ninja assassin alright? =)

insecurity?

2009-11-18T00:41:00.002+08:00

Sad Sad...Devastated.

Haihz.. I don't know. I guess I'm just always feeling insecure in my life... in whatever I do. I'm afraid in almost everything? Never was I confident in my answers.. I dare not speak out my thoughts, thinking that it might suck? Yeap, that's me, living under a shell? So afraid of doing anything that i ended up doing nothing!

I kinda dislike what I'm going through right now.. I just need a little bit of love and care... just that simple!!! But i guess you never realized it! All I can hear everyday is that you're expecting something from me and that I did not meet your expectations? I am tired of that..really tired! I just need my own space okay!? I know what I'm doing... If you can't trust me, then who will? I will succeed and I'll prove it not only to you.. But most importantly, MYSELF!

Oh and by the way... It's SPM tomorrow.. Of course, wanna wish my dearest sister all the best and good luck. Hope she'll do well and God bless her. Envy her... but I'm really lucky to have her as my sister.. And I mean it ;)

Sorry for all the rants here... Well, for your information.. this is my purpose of blogging, in case any of you do not know.. My purpose of blogging is to 'release' whatever that's in my mind. I know that there are friends to talk to... But they're not there for you every single time right? This little piece of blog can make me feel much better after all that I kept deep inside me... So, yeah.. That's me and blogging..

p/s: I feel like the evil me is back...*evil smile*

2009-11-09T23:48:00.004+08:00

There's so much to say..

But i do not know where to start..

Even if I had the chance to tell you these,

I know that... I wouldn't tell them..

They will just remain silently in my heart..

I thought that I was over it already,

But I guess I was wrong...

It's never easy to forget things just like that..

Or that I do not want to forget those bitter sweet memories?

I still hope for the past to repeat despite that I'm suffering now..

I miss the old, good times..

It's weird,

I wanna forget those memories...

But, at the same time, I wanna remember them..

I have so much to say to you...

Yet, I know I can't say anything..

I do not even have the guts to talk to you anymore..

Perhaps, I'm just another annoying person in your life,

Perhaps, you were never happy to meet me,

Perhaps, I should just silently leave and not bother you anymore.

It's just the beginning...

2009-11-07T01:11:00.006+08:00

It's the end... Or is it really the end? When others actually shouted 'Merdeka' and feelt so happy that our final examination for form 4 has ended, I actually felt the other way round... Not that I'm not happy that it ended. It's just that.... Perhaps, the final paper-Add Maths paper 2 actually opened my eyes. When few were having some countdown to cheer that exam has finally ended, I on the other hand was still struggling to complete it. Haihz.. I felt really panic when answering the questions cause i was stuck at a question for my careless mistake, I ended up didn't have enough time to finish my last part... and adding with more problems, where I couldn't answer a few questions. Sad Sad.... Well, some said that at least it ended already, that i can't do anything about it anymore.. But no! That's not the way to say it... I could have changed it actually.. If only I was a little more attentive on my studies throughout this year.. I could have just studied and tried my best for this finals. But? Yeah, i did not.... To me, I know that I may not score in certain subjects... But for subjects like Add Maths, I really wanted to score it... I wanna get not only A1 for it, but also 90 and more... But for this time? I can only hope that I get an A... T.T

And so... Why did I say that it's not the end? Yes, it is the end.. It is the end for form 4, It's the end of our so-called honeymoon year..... But that's not the main point. What's more important is that we look into a new chapter of our life.. next year, we will face our main fear-SPM! I can hardly imagine what's life going to be like next year.. How suffering it would be. Am i going to be a nerd? Can i manage to balance all my studies, friends, feelings and time management? I wish and I hope I can.....

Life will not be the same anymore. Slacking? That is the word for my life in form 4.. What a disaster this year.. I've never felt that useless before.. From this time onwards, here I am... I have the spirit to move on, to not look at my past mistakes anymore, instead try to improve and not to repeat those crap things that have made me feel so regretful and that my life's so miserable..

I know I can make it if I really make the effort... Nothing is impossible right? Even though I've already missed a year, I know I can still catch up and put everything back to normal.. I miss my old self... How determine I was that I achieved success... I know I'm back...

It's just the beginning..

nightmare..

2009-10-24T20:57:00.002+08:00

It was really scary...

That was the question that has been playing in my mind for quite a long time...

I really wanna know the real answer for it..

And surprisingly,

I dreamed about it last night..

But the answer wasn't convincing at all...

Since the truth was revealed, everything changed..

I'm afraid..

That dream.... was it trying to tell me something?

I dare not tell the truth to that person anymore......

insane!

2009-10-21T13:29:00.005+08:00

I think I'm gonna be insane anytime...

I can't sleep at night.. I'll be rolling here and there on my bed.. Zzz. It's weird.. It has been like that for days... Or even weeks? That's why I'm really tired during the day.. Haihz~ HELP! Zzz~ Not only that.. I've been talking to myself too much lately.. Not loudly though.. in my heart only.. But it's really bugging me.. Why am i talking this and that so much!!? Grr~ seriously gonna be insane soon~ bye bye yin2.. T.T

<3 family <3

2009-10-11T12:36:00.014+08:00

Ah, I went Aeon yesterday with my beloved family to celebrate my dad's birthday..HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAPA.. I LOVE YOU^^.x We wanted him to go for the fish spa(he was quite interested).. So, my sister had an idea and created a fish spa 'voucher' for him-'a bday gift'..Haha.. there this 'voucher'...Cool~ after eating dinner at pandamaran, we went Aeon right away.. Wee~ somehow...... I got to experience this fish spa thingy also.. cause my skin's sensitive.. so my family asked me to join my dad too.. haha.. wow~ it was really fun and ticklish xD

And so, when we reached home, we decided to take family pictures.. Lol.. my sis had to set the timer and run over quicklyxD there's this picture where she couldn't reach on time..haha
lol... I couldn't stop laughing in this picture that they all scolded me for spoiling this nice picture xD

And the last picture we took for that day... wanna thank God that i have such a great family.. I love all of you so very much!!! =D

2009-10-09T18:56:00.003+08:00

Really sorry for the previous posts. Posted it when I was really upset about certain things… I’m feeling much better already. I realize that.. Friends are the ones who hurt you, but at the same time, they're are the ones who help you, who care for you and always be there whenever you need them. Without them, what’s life? My thoughts were just wrong… just because one of my friends did a mistake, broke the promise and disappointed me, that doesn’t mean that I can’t trust others. That doesn’t mean that my other friends are like that too… someone told me.. ‘Just because he did that, doesn’t mean that you can’t trust me, I’m not him’.. those words really opened my eyes… But one thing for sure, people outside there sure aren't as innocent as we think... But i trust my friends, especially those I'm close with... =)

Friendship happens in that special moment when someone reaches out to another, trusts, comforts, believes in another and makes a special difference that no one else can make.

Edited this myself... was too free Zzz xD

You've been there for me
through the good times and bad
I know I can count on you
to be there when I'm sad

Life without you
just wouldn't be right
I wouldn't be able to get through
each day and night

When I've had a bad day
I know that you're only a call away
When life takes that crazy turn
You are always there to help me learn

We've had so many good times together
I know we'll be best friends forever
No matter where we are
I know we'll never be too far

You're my idol, my sister, my friend
We'll be together till the end
Even when we're old and gray
You'll be here still, to help me get on my way

2009-10-02T16:37:00.003+08:00

Things are repeating...

So that's how things work eh?

I was just happy for a moment... and then i realize that it was just like before.. Nothing has ever changed.. I guess I'm really naive to believe that. I've been fooled like how many times.. And yet? There's so many things in my heart where i'm hiding from the world.. No wonder I've always wanted to shout T.T I wanna let go of everything and be free like the bird flying in the sky..

Sometimes,

When I say 'lol' or 'haha' when chatting with you,

When I say 'nevermind' or 'it's ok' for your 'sorry',

Do you think that I really mean it?

Do you think that I really was laughing along with you?

Do you think that I wasn't hurt at all with what you've done?

Think again..

p/s: I'll get better... I know i will. I just need some time.... >.<

tired of everything...

2009-09-29T17:31:00.003+08:00

I am so freaking tired of everything...

I'm feeling really !@#$% now..

Why is it that things are getting worse?

I told myself not to give up.. This is never a game..

I need to work for it.. It needs my effort to succeed, but wth!?

Finally understand one thing..

I'm ready for any separations...

p/s: How stupid can i be? i thought it was really........ Zzz. I don't wanna care about it anymore.. I'm really tired.. Stop dreaming about it!! Please... PLEASE!!! Zzzz

2009-09-26T00:48:00.006+08:00

I'm kinda interested in learning piano..

Oh well, but i do not wanna attend any classes. I know it'll be hard if i don't, but seeing my very own sister playing piano that well without any special training from others, i hope that i can be like her too... She said it that it needs lots of practice and patience. Oh, she taught me a little few weeks ago. Am still blur though... >.<

I love to see people playing piano.. And the sound of it.. Ahh~ How relaxing it is.. Don't ya agree with me? xD And oh, did i mention this to anyone? It would be great if my boyfriend-to-be is able to play one too...aww~haha.. okay~ I'm dreaming of things lol.. xD Just found out about this boy who can play really well.. Love the way he plays it, especially for this song.

Arhh~ holiday's gonna end anytime.. It's like..SO FAST! wth~ >.<

okay, i shouldn't blame for it.. It's all my fault.. yeah, my fault..T.T

I feel like being a nerd till exam ends, coz or else i wouldn't study!

what the hell is rong wit me! A month from now..A MONTH! Zzz..

I'm so gonna regret this...

Goodbye everyone...

Raya with friends =)

2009-09-20T21:50:00.007+08:00

Few days ago, my mom told us that my family's gonna go Ipoh for a trip on sunday(2day).. Oh well, somehow, i didn't feel like going, so I told them that i didn't want to follow them.. Ah, thought that I'll be all alone at home today since they'll be going for the whole day; early in the morning till late at night..Even now, they're not back..xD And oh, i actually had a tuition where it's on 3-6.30.. And haha, my friend could help fetching me there, but i rejected it... I hate going that tuition. The only thing that I'm still continuing it is for her.. okay, that tuition isn't that bad also.. The teacher's good and experienced... But i just dislike the conditions and time of that tuition... But, it's always fun there of course.. haha.. you know why =P

Haha... So, the five of us-Me,Karin,jo dee, Kai ren and Ooi went Addin's house for Raya. And they all came to my house first to lepak while waiting for Addin to fetch us to his house.. haha.. Karin came first.. we went crazy in my house. Lol, that's why i didn't really reply many of you in msn this morning... really sorry ya guys.. xD

Lol.. funny, Addin came with two cars to fetch us.. Karin, Jo dee and I were in a car with Addin's mom.. all the while on the way, the six of us were messaging each other.. Hahaha.. and omg lar, when we reached his house, we all were amazed... what a big house.. It has more than five living rooms.. Goshlarh.. so BIG! i think people like me can actually get lost there xD. Jo dee and Karin actually took pictures of the things in his house.. Jo dee was even worse actually.. She almost tried every chair in the living room just cause they're different..LOL.

Ahhhh~ we ate lunch there.. yummy~! xD i love the ketupat and all others that his mom prepared.. Wow larh.. they're really nice. i still think that ketupat and nasi impit are the same.. haha.. =S

Oh, lol.. we went in to his room after that... arhh~ the most fun part! xD played play station there.. the dancing thingy? I dunno what you call it..haha.. whatever that is, I suck in it.. haha.. except that if I only take one direction xD. had fun playing the erm.... i dunno what you call it.. the shooting shooting game arr... lol.. Ahhhh~ really had fun...;) oh ya.. thanks Karin!! for playing the guitar for me to hear..haha... geng geng!! *clap clap* lol.. love ya..=)

Okay... wanna end my post with... a very happy birthday to my very very very very very good friend, Eric.. haha.. wished ya many times ady..including the post before this, but i still wanna wish you again. HAPPY BIRTHDAY DATUK!!! ^^ haha.. thanks for being such a great friend all the while. I'm really lucky to have you as one of my friends... Hopefully God will bless ya with lots of love from everyone-your family, friends and also others... =)

happy bday 2 eric~

2009-09-19T23:33:00.002+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ERIC~!! ^^

2009-09-19T15:12:00.005+08:00

I just hope that it would end right away, but it doesn't seem to be that simple.
I wanna help, but I'm afraid if I'll make things worse..
But, one thing for sure, whatever happens, they're my friends forever... that will never change.

p/s: Emo-ing...... but thanks to my bestest buddy... after talking to you on the phone...I feel so much better.. =)

ang3R tO lov3.

2009-09-18T12:00:00.006+08:00

Deleted the old post.. so, forget about it.. >.< Haihz...

I was here chatting with my friends in msn.. Then i went down to just take something i guess =S. My mom told me that there's a puppy behind my house, fell in a drain.. of gosh.. obviously, being me.. i quickly went there to save it.. and lol.. before i even reached it, it was running in the drain towards me. such a cute fella... I helped it then, and it followed me to my house.. my mom was washing the floor, so i used it to wash both my hands and legs and also that puppy's fur; it was really muddy.. But after that, i saw that it was shivering. I pitied it and brought it inside my house to dry it... played with it xD.. so cute larh.. carried it and ran around like a kid with it.. haha..

But.. my mom scolded me after that.. So i had to leave it outside..=( And the worst part of all, it was crying/barking non stop.. for quite some time. I'm not sure if it's still there... sobs.. felt really bad for it.. just hopefully it can lead a good life outside there... God bless that cute little fella ya...

lov3 in the ice..

2009-09-15T20:47:00.005+08:00

Ah! i must blog about this. Lol.. My favourite song for now.. 'Love in the ice' by Dbsk/Tvxq.. ahh..I love love love and love this song so much... okay, it may not be THAT nice to some of you out there.. my sister just complained just now cause i was hearing it repeatedly. She said, 'Where got nice lar this song'.. Zzz.. But despite of what she said, i really love this song still. Especially the lyrics.. they're really really meaningful to me. Oh, i just found out that they're other versions of this song- Jap and Korean.. Of course, they're all the same tunes.. but I still love the jap one more for its lyrics and meaning.. really really deep and touching..

It's not your fault those hands are freezing
Borne from those childish days, you carry the scars
Are you afraid to love someone?
You pretend not to see the other side of the words

Like ice, the embraced heart slowly starts to thaw

* For anyone to be loved by someone,
Makes life in this world shine
If it was me, I'd make your heart warm once more
With eternal tenderness

Even if fate's mischief pains the heart
On the other side of those tears,
A single ray of light will swoop down into the darkness
We know

As strong as the feeling of suffering, we can feel people's warmth

Everyone is searching for a place
That can heal their sadness and loneliness
So... for you, that place is here
Don't be afraid, don't hesitate anymore, because I'll protect you

My heart is pained
Because this love is so beautiful, don't be afraid
Even if it's just momentarily, I'll let you know my love
This time is beautiful, you know... let you know my love

* Repeat

This song is so beautiful... hope you like it..^^

p/s: hopefully God will bless that guy... =)

2009-09-13T20:45:00.009+08:00

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa...........!!! Zzz...

Just feel like shouting.. i always do that, even in class, but not at home =S

Haihz~ i still cannot concentrate on my studies.., and wth? a month more for end-term.. Zzz

i'm so so so doom~ Arghhh...

Sorry, but i feel like shouting again...

Aaaaaaaaaaa~~~~!!!

By the way, i think that many know that my handphone is a 'ciplak' one.. lol.. no camera nor songs to hear.. but well, i actually had the chance to change it to a better one.. but i smartly rejected them.

Firstly, my eldest sister bought a new handphone months ago.. And of course, her old one-red motorola... i can use it. But i didn't want to...

Secondly, i went Aeon with my family yesterday.. And we dropped by the Nokia shop.. My dad asked me if i want a new handphone... But i hesitated, by saying.. 'Arh? erm.. ahh~ dunno lar'. And in the end, he bought one for himself.. haha xD

Lol.. you must be thinking that I'm so stupid to have rejected those chances of having a new handphone.. But of well, I love my phone in spite of its limited function.. hehe. And there's also another reason actually.. I cannot imagine that all my messages will *poof* if I actually change to a new phone... =( Maybe when I'm ready... Then i can accept it.... i guess =S

Endurance...

2009-09-11T20:17:00.007+08:00

Do you ever feel like nothing is working?
Like you're never good enough?
Things always turn around whenever you think they're perfect..
Why Why Why and Why must these happen to me?

Why am I unfit for everything?
I'm trying really hard...
But I'm afraid that I'll fail to do so..
I'm afraid I'll hurt more innocent people.

Life isn't easy, I know that...
Everyone's having obstacles in life, I know that too.
I'm not complaining on what I'm going through..
It's just that I...

One second you're laughing and the next second you're crying
There will be good and bad times.
Sometimes more bad then good.
Either way it's life, right?

I'll be strong and endure all the obstacles including this one..

If I can endure for this moment,
whatever is happening to me.
No matter how heavy my heart,
or how dark the moment may be.
If I can keep on believing,
On what I know in my heart to be true.
Then darkness will fade into morning,
and with this dawn a new day, too.

2009-09-09T18:38:00.003+08:00

I shouldn't be here..
How great.. Zzz~

Haihz..
I'm still trying really hard to study..
I've planned everything already.
It's just me now..
I'm not making the effort..
Sometimes, i really wanna ask myself..
'What the hell is wrong with you? You know the importance of education for your future.. and yet? You're acting like this...'
Zzz...

By the way, i went to my grandpa's house last week. Well, it's normal to see many children there... Babies and kids are cute. Nobody can ever deny that. But i was amazed of how these little kids act. You see, there were these four kids.. And one of them were very polite and respectful.. She's only six years of age and yet, she can respect the elderly better than some of us.. No offence kay.. I myself think that i don't respect the elderly as much as her.. She greeted me many times whenever i passed her. Calling me 'jiejie' and 'harlo' with a genuine smile... i'm truly touched by her actions. Haihz.. one sad thing is that i heard that her parents which are my cousins have divorced.. I wonder if she'll grow up well without a proper background. Such a sweet girl.. hopefully God will bless her..

I realize something.. Sad to say, but I don't have the confidence when communicating with people face to face. Well, of course not to all, only some.. But it happens even when I'm with with few of my close friends... To me, even to greet people is hard enough. And the biggest problem of all.. awkward? It's weird.. sometimes even with my close ones I'm feeling awkward with them =(.. I'm also always blur when at outdoor... When some people actually greet or wave at me, most of the time, i wouldn't realize.. Or if I'm not sure.. I'll just ignore it, thinking that that person might be waving at other people.. Zzz.. I'm so bad right? Zzz.. So sorry to anyone out there. I never meant to do that.. It's just this sucky feeling Zzz...

blah~ what am i crapping here..>.<
byebye people.. take care =S

craziness.

2009-08-28T21:17:00.011+08:00

weee~ you know what? i love my blog after changing its layout.. hehe xD Gosh, it took me a day to complete it.. >.< Actually my playlist, chatbox and even the links went missing right after changing my layout..Zzz. what else? i had to add everything back!!! T.t but oh well, everything's back to normal at least... =D

Ah, i'm a pig i tell you.. i sleep and sleep and sleeeeeeep, but i still get tired everytime.. My mom always scolds me for that and says that i have a disease that makes me so sleepy everytime.. woops *touch wood* blah, sleeping is good right? i love sleeping a lot... fine fine, i'll just control my sleeping hours then.. oh ya, speaking about that, heh... i have the weirdest dream ever last night. gosh lar.. no one will ever guess it..haha.. i........
-i dreamt about En.Rasul! LOL~

And in it, he tore my add maths exercise book. how weird eh?? then i screamed at him... and he scolded me... but i continuously screamed at him........till i woke up. hahaha.. but we weren't really fighting though.. it was like... erm.. 'playing screaming at each other'? xD nevermind.. dreams are always weird... hahaha.. but gosh, of all people... why him? =P

oh ya... went out with my primary friends today... ^^ and and and... the best part of it was the movie-G.I.JOE.. people out there should watch it, especially guys and those who love playing shooting games like cs... =D well, here are few pictures..

yes.. go watch it!!! G.I.Joe.. rockzz^^

both pictures: taken in the toilet... lol xD
and below... my very very very best friend.. she's yap siao wei.. hehehe=P we go crazy every single time we're together.. and yeah, that's how i've turned into such 'siao' attitude- we always argue, but to me.. that's the funniest part of all when we're together.lol..

group pictures: louis,venessa, david,sue szen, sheng wei, yin2,caroline, jass sin(the photographer) and lastly, chen(went back early)

thank you =)

2009-08-26T15:05:00.016+08:00

Great... I’m wasting my time again! Every night when I’m on my bed, I’ll think about whatever I’ve done on that particular day.. And each night, I’ll just sigh and regret my actions for that day. I‘ve always told myself that I should not waste anymore time and that I‘ll start working the following day, but even now.. What on earth am I doing again?? I shouldn’t be here.. I shouldn’t be online-ing.. I should be studying! Gosh, I know that I’ve got to do so.. And yet, I’m not doing it.. I… I’m so useless.. I miss those days where I used to study a lot, and when I’ve succeeded and achieved good results.. I’ll be very happy for my efforts. But now? I don’t feel anything.. I’ve only felt that it was luck when I got good results… and also, when I got bad marks for tests, I felt that I deserve to get those because I did not put any efforts on them. I know it’s not right.. I’m just complaining without working it out.. I’ve got to work it out..
I wanna study..
I miss that feeling..
I’m tired of procrastinating
Stop complaining and start working YinYin!!!

Gah... Sorry for the emo-ish post. Just forget about it okay? =D… by the way, I wanted to post something about my birthday actually, but well, wasn’t in the mood till today.. ^^ firstly of course, thank you so much to everyone for such a wonderful birthday.. Thanks for the wishes, presents and the cake of course..;)

first of all, from my very very very good friends-fawwaz, addin and mayure =) i seriously love this card a lot.. not only that this card is beautiful, it's really funny where addin decorated the card with funny cute words.. and of course.. the wonderful messages they've written in it.. was really touched.. thanks guys!!! i love you guys...haha xD

thanks a lot for the teddy bears!! so damn damn damn damn CUTE! love them lots.. =D

okay, next up...thanks to karin and jo dee!!! what a lovely present.. a couple key chain.. cute eh? xD haha.. really love this kind of thing... well, although i can't use it for now..well, maybe.... one day? i hope.... =P thank you ya karin!! not only for this.. but also, the crispy you've bought and most importantly, your card and words you've told me that day.. i was really touched and glad that i have you as my friend.. seriously, i myself do not know why.. but i feel really comfortable being with you.. whenever i have problems, i'll just tell you.... thank you God that i have such great friend like you..=) i love you... lots lots lots and lots! heh..xD

oh ya.. of course, i wouldn't forget my great friends in prefectorial board.. after school, we went green box and we went crazy there..lol.. really had so much fun. oh well, it's always fun with you guys around.. haha.. here.. few pictures and even videos.

Memories....

thank you so so much for the cake.. haihz.. too bad i didn't have the chance to take a picture of the cake.. haha.. thanks a lot everyone!! =) and also, thank you eric... for the words on the cake.. lol.. couldn't stop smiling when i saw it.. haha xD (oh, am chatting with eric..he said that mayure stole the cake from him.. LOLxD)

and again.. one big family... =)

the crazy us singing there.. wanted to post them in facebook, but... so Zzz.. duno lar.. can't post.. T.T

lastly... thank you again everybody!!!! ^^may God bless all of you out there.. take care and stay healthy ya... ^^

Bye.

2009-08-25T20:18:00.003+08:00

I’m still waiting..

I’m still wondering..

Will you?

Sometimes, I’m really tired of waiting and thinking…

I feel like a fool waiting for something that will never happen..

I've wasted my time, energy and even tears for it..

I guess I should end it right away.

Goodbye...

memories of prefects..

2009-08-09T21:23:00.038+08:00

Friends come and go… but memories stick forever =)

Really wanna thank everyone for such a wonderful day.. Truly appreciate every effort you guys have done all the while. From the beginning of the year till now-unity program and now majlis perpisahan pengawas(mpp). Even though we didn’t have the chance to have a prefect camp, but I’m still glad.. I know that you guys had done your best in everything. I really enjoyed my year as a prefect all the while; since form1 =D. I vividly remember that cried in the end of unity program this year, when we all sat down in a circle to confess what we felt. I know those tears of mine were real. I was not faking them.. I’m so gonna miss all of you and the memories we had throughout the year. Thank you guys… I love all of you..<3

As we go on

We remember

All the times we

Had together

And as our lives change

From whatever

We will still be

Friends Forever

i'm really sorry for such a short message.. but i hope that even that it's short, it's meaningful at the same time.. thank you once again everyone for such great memories throughout the year... thank you!!!!!! i love you all... prefecs rockzz (^.^) gonna miss all of you so very much. gonna miss you too, romeo. haha xD.. k then, take care guys.. =D

the hardest part of any friendship is when it's time to say goodbye. As much as we might like things to stay the same, change in an inevitable part of life. the universe may seem huge and the rift between friends on opposite side of the world may seem a great distance. there are many tools available which we can communicate, but even without these tools, there is a secret that only real friends know, and it is this. All the mountains and valleys cannot separate friends whose hearts as one... =)

you're not the one...

2009-07-24T23:04:00.001+08:00

If you’re not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you’re not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all

I'll never know what the future brings
But I know you're here with me now
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don’t need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don’t need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you’re not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you’re not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?

I don’t know why you’re so far away
But I know that this much is true
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you’re the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

‘Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
‘Cause I love you, whether it’s wrong or right
And though I can’t be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I could stay in your arms

2009-07-01T23:33:00.001+08:00

I don’t even know why am I blogging now..I should be studying, or at least trying to study? lots of things happened lately. Both ups and downs of life… but more downs than ups actually. Haihz.. Right now, I don’t want to think about them anymore. I really wanna just focus on my studies. It’s already July, the second semester.. I shouldn’t be slacking anymore.. But I am.. And it’s even worse than before.. it’s weird. You know that doing that particular something is wrong, yet you still continue doing it.. Told myself not to online for quite some time but I just cannot control myself, or is it that I do not want to control myself? T.t okay, I’m complaining too much.. I know that I can make it if I really sacrifice whatever I should.. Maybe I’m just not prepared enough to do so.. Or is it that I wasted my time too much to be well-prepared? By the way, I went to some kursus kepimpinan pelajar last Wednesday with Addin, jo dee and Karin… last minute decision actually. Planned to go there to skip school(I hate Wed!)..but I think I missed the fun with prefects the other day.. selling the er sandwich banana don’t know what what…lol. I would have regretted going there, but since I was with my good friends-jo dee, addin and Karin, I felt the fun there despite all the erm… conditions of the place there? >.< oh ya, there was this personality quiz there during Puan.Zubaidah’s session.. I find it quite true about myself.. Addin and I got the same results-blue colour
1.suka kedamaian/keharmonian-100% true
2.suka merasa diri unik-70%?
3.mudah simpati-99%
4.suka perhubungan mesra-98%
5.pandai menyelami perasaan orang lain-90%
6.sanggup beri penjelasan-99.9999%
7.taat dan baik hati-95%
8.lemah lembut-I dunno >.<
9.suka beri ilham-50%
10.romantis-I dunno~
Oh ya oh ya.. I just remembered something from that program too.. There was this lecturer who asked us to face our partners(whoever’s sitting beside you). Then, he asked all of us to close our eyes with our hands..and then, open and look into your partner’s eyes… and so happen I got Addin as my partner… lol.. So awkward I have to say.. I didn’t even dare to look into his eyes, or maybe I did look into his eyes.. but less than a second later we both would turn to avoid eye contact.. Haha

I would have to say.. As time goes by, things changed too-friends and all.. I know that life’s like that.. Isn’t it? It’s kind of sad to even think about it.. Sometimes, I would stare at something and memories would flow right away.. Yup, it’s true that I am hiding my sorrows behind my smiles, laughter or whatever you call them.. I may be smiling or laughing but I know that deep inside I’m not.. I know that those laughter were just fake all the while. It feels like there’s this hidden scar in me. Perhaps, I’m thinking too much? Worrying too much? Haihz..

They see her smile,
She has black hair,
They all look,
But they don't see what's there.
She never cries,
She never fights,
She's never sad?
These are all lies.
She cries at night,
She fights with her mum,
She's sad all the time,
No-one sees the damage that's been done.
They see her smile,
Her innocent stare,
Look into her eyes,
Maybe you'll see what's really there.
When she cries,
She cries alone,
She lives in a house,
Yet has no home.
She sits in the dark,
She cuts a slice,
No-one would believe this feels so nice.
The scars she hides,
The smile she fakes,
The clothes she wears,
This life she hates.
For school she prepares,
She looks in the mirror,
Her look of despair,
She says goodbye,
Walks out the door,
Puts on her fake smile,
And no-one sees more.

you are not alone...

2009-06-27T20:39:00.001+08:00

You Are Not Alone lyrics

Another day has gone
I'm still all alone
How could this be
You're not here with me
You never said goodbye
Someone tell me why
Did you have to go
And leave my world so cold

Everyday I sit and ask myself
How did love slip away
Something whispers in my ear and says
That you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though you're far away
I am here to stay

But you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though we're far apart
You're always in my heart
But you are not alone

'Lone, 'lone
Why, 'lone

Just the other night
I thought I heard you cry
Asking me to come
And hold you in my arms
I can hear your prayers
Your burdens I will bear
But first I need your hand
Then forever can begin

Everyday I sit and ask myself
How did love slip away
Something whispers in my ear and says
That you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though you're far away
I am here to stay

For you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though we're far apart
You're always in my heart
For you are not alone

Whisper three words and I'll come runnin'
And girl you know that I'll be there
I'll be there

You are not alone
For I am here with you
Though you're far away
I am here to stay
For you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though we're far apart
You're always in my heart

For you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though you're far away
I am here to stay

For you are not alone
For I am here with you
Though we're far apart
You're always in my heart

For you are not alone...

the end..or the beginning?

2009-06-14T21:26:00.003+08:00

i guess i will not online that often after this... well, i know that normally, these words of mine can't be trusted cause i will still online as usual even though after saying them. But this time... i think i really mean what i just said... well, not stop onlining completely though.. just lesser. in other words, i think my blog will be 'dead' for quite some time. Ah, it's really the end of holidays already. it's amazing how time flies. haihz.. it feels like i just stepped into the school yesterday. and now, it's already the second semester. sobs.. what's awaiting me after this? exam results? >.<..actually, i cannot even remember how badly i did for those papers =S. oh wait, i can only remember how i seriously screwed up physics paper2 >.<.. nevermind~ at least it's over. honestly, last year i was extremely disappointed for not getting that certificate for mid-term exam. That time, i told myself that i will try my best for the following year(this year). this is it..i don't know if i can succeed this time... but, i really really really really hope i will T.T. i tried my best already..i did not study last minute like i did for both the monthly tests. so.... let's just see what will happen next. by the way, i'm already rotten at home for these 2 weeks. i didn't even do any revisions..gosh lar..>.< i'm extremely worried. it seems like my mind's blank for now. i can't remember a thing of what i've studied.huhu.. what if i can't catch up in school or in tuition? T.T i'm so dead..

by the way, i love the lyrics of 'the climb' by miley cyrus..^^

I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on

'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Somebody's gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

Keep on moving, keep climbing
Keep the faith, baby
It's all about, it's all about the climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa

okay, bedtime.... need to wake up five hours earlier tomorrow.. xD
till then..take care of yourselves people ^^
p/s: happy birthday to my dear friend waz =)

6th june...

2009-06-08T15:56:00.007+08:00

wOw..it's almost 3 in the morning and i'm still online..well, that's actually normal nowadays. i'm used to sleeping at around this time lately... haihz! i have insomnia during the holidays..sobs. I don’t know why.. Whenever I lie down on my bed. I’ll just think about everything! Yes, everything in my life-exams,studies,friends,certain people... and especially all those memories; both happy and sad ones. I just can’t help it.. not like I want to think about those memories… They just kept haunting me overnight.. Even in my dreams! For few days, I have had nightmares. Waking up with insufficient rest.. Haihz! I’m really tired of this. Stop dreaming or thinking about those stuffs, will you?!!! T.T haihz. i've been thinking lately... i feel like my laughter all this while is fake...=.=!! i'm not trying to be emo or what. arghh..i don't know lar! >.<

gosh..why did the whole post turned out so emo-ish..wanted to post about few events on 6th of june actually. okay..i shall proceed with my original plan =.=!!

6th june...

FRIENDZ WON THE ULTIMATE POWER GROUP! yay!!! i'll have to say that that night wasn't their best performance though. they can actually do much better than But still, overall it was quite good! i don't usually vote for this kind of things...but i voted for them cause i feel that they deserve to win!!! aww.. felt so proud of myself.. hehexD Ash looked really cute~! love his diction when they were singing 'i'm yours' =) here's few previews of their performance in the finals..(^.^) hopefully Friendz will be successful in their singing career =D

oh ya...i was over-excited on that day about Friendz that i totally forgotten about my beloved hyun joong's birthday. hehe... HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY HYUN JOONG..=D

holiday mood~

2009-06-03T20:02:00.014+08:00

Holiday's here... i thought that i'll use my time wisely-studying/revising,completing my homework..arghh~ seems like everything's upside down.. sobs>.<..i'm becoming even lazier after exams.. i actually appreciate exams now(there won't be any homework)..lol xD
okay.. just feel like blogging about some stuffs...~ =)
1.my cutie dog~khoo milo xD

isnt's he adorable? aww~ so cute... i can never be bored of this little fella.. since standard 3 i've owned him..wow.that's quite long..erm.. 7 years? =O

2.friendz-ash! the finals is this saturday-6th june.. yay! can't wait for it. love ash's voice lots.. hopefully friendz will win. jia you!!!! ^^

j

3.outing..

lol..can i say that this outing is like the craziest outing ever? gosh..we were really mad lar.. almost everywhere we went, people looked at us as if we were weirdos..haha. we planned to prank 2 person(fgt who) by hiding the movie tickets... but ended up, the worker didn't even realize! he just let all of us in. LOL lar...
mayure and i seludup-ed burgers in..xD. and we were having a hard time to put chili sauce in that burgers(in the dark).. Eric helped me to put the sauce with his handphone(light)..and next thing we knew, he 'lost' his handphone.. we tried searching everywhere on the floor..and ended up-it was on my lap..oops =P..hehe. the movie was really funny+OUR 'sound-effect' for that movie..hahaha. i vividly remember that once the lights(cinema) were onned, everyone turned to look at us. gosh..so embarrassing+FUN! lol..xD

till then...bye2 people~ take care ya(^.^)

personality test....

2009-04-15T19:23:00.002+08:00

What are you most afraid of:You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Your ideal mate is gentle and sweet.

You always compare yourself with others. You make your wishes too difficult to come true.

No effort, no success. That's your attitudes towards success.

You are emotional, sincere and optimistic.

You are a very serious person. You tend to be quiet and well behaved, and you don't have a great deal of self-confidence. You prefer to be alone rather than with friends and that could make you a little less interesting to certain types of guys. You are very attractive in an individual kind of way, and this means it can take people a little while to get to like you.

You really care about other people's feelings and are quite serious about the issues that affect your life. You are sincere, and your concern for the well-being of others makes many people want to be your friend.

You are a bright, cheerful and bubbly person. You are thoughtful and considerate, and like to have fun. Everybody feels comfortable around you because of your pleasant nature. When you walk into a room, people's eyes are likely to be drawn to you because of your charm.

Guys see you as being a thinker and a careful person. They will be really attracted to this quality in you, but you need to learn to speak your mind, otherwise people will find you too shy and quiet. Learn to relax and lighten up--it's okay to have fun sometimes. When you learn to develop your fun-loving side, guys are going to flock to your side.

You have a wild and crazy imagination, and this can lead you to being very nosy as you strive to check out whether your theories are true. You get very occupied with your own thoughts and create fantastic stories out of the things that you think are happening in people's lives. It might be a good idea to concentrate more on your own life.

You desire a love that will last forever. You are quite serious about finding this type of love, and that's why you think carefully about the men that you meet before deciding whether you could really love them. You don't just develop a crush on someone overnight: you look at a person's personality and other aspects of their life before deciding to form an attachment. If a guy doesn't meet your expectations, you would rather be alone. Your love has to be perfect. Be careful though, you could be missing out on some worthy relationships because your standards are so high.

You love your friends very much - so much so that it's actually quite a worry. You may not be able to cope very well when you do lose somebody's friendship. You are a very sensitive and fragile person, and are therefore likely to get upset easily. You care for your friends and are willing to do anything that they ask you to do. Sometimes this can make your friends think that you are a bit of a nuisance. Nevertheless, people do really love you because your highest priority is your friends.

You are sensitive and indecisive at times. You are a freedom lover and a strong person.

You are talkative and sociable. Once you have a problem, you need a friend with you. Your life is always full of changes.

You will avoid being alone and seek the company of others whenever possible. You love excitement and create it wherever you go. You always have plans on your mind. This might cause a lot of stress if things don't go the way you expect. You see the world as it is, not as you believe it should be.

You added a flower into your drawing. The flower signifies that you long for love. It also safe to say that others don't see you as a flirt. You don't think much about yourself.

You like to know secrets about people. You are quite superstitious. Although you are very careful about spending your money, you often end up spending a lot of money on unnecessary stuff.

You love freedom and want to follow your heart's desires. You might not be at your best when dealing with other people. Once you are given the opportunity to work your chosen way, your gift will shine. A tip for you is not to concentrate too much on your own work, but widen your focus and consider the opinions of other people.

It would be very difficult for you to fall in love with someone. But when you love, honesty is your first priority. You are an emotional person.

You are curious and a true follower. You can please someone so much that it seem like you are trying to charm that person. You hide your disagreement under your smiling face. This is a charming quality of yours.

You are quite pessimistic and wavering. People can simply find out what's on your mind from your facial expression or speech

You are persistent. It's not your way to get only half of your job done. You have an extreme character. You can be really nice to someone but mean to another. Anyway, your friends still like you the way you are

Your inner energy brings you through life. You will achieve your goal in life as long as you take it easy.

You care for people. Other people's small matters easily shock you. You look brave, but in fact you are hiding weaknesses inside. You often talk about your faults or things that you think you could have done better again and again, though no one criticizes you about them.

You recover quickly from disappointment. But when you feel that things are going wrong, you will react immediately.

p/s:i will not be onlining till mid-term examination is over... I MEAN IT!! T.T

2009-04-14T21:02:00.000+08:00

A Friend is a Treasure
A friend is someone we turn to,
when our spirits need a lift.
A friend is someone we treasure,
for our friendship is a gift.
A friend is someone who fills our lives,
with beauty, joy and grace.
And make the world we live in,
a better and happier place.

...the boy who counted the days he left...168 hours-according to him..LOL~

the food i ate...=D yummy~!!!

mayure's spaghetti... it's quite yummy~ i tasted it...XD

oh..! this is wazfa's kuey tiao..err..i think~ it was yummy and hot!! i curi2 tasted it when he was not there..=P

it look's appetizing ehh?? too bad i didn't taste this...=.=!! btw..it's substract out's food..hehe=P

i love this picture lots! =D......(^.^) hopefully our friendship will last forever....

personality...

2009-03-22T22:24:00.002+08:00

Your view on yourself:(99.99% true)

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:(99.99% true)

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:(100% true!!)

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:(50%? xD)

Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education(1% >.<)

Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.

The right job for you:(60% true)

You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:(90%)

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:(99%)

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:(98%)

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

between the days...

2009-03-22T12:58:00.007+08:00

yesterday, i went out with my bffs... honestly, this is our first outing together... and i'm wondering... was it the first and last outing for the four of us? i really had fun yesterday, in spite of the short interval of time together and the movie-marley and me(well, it wasn't THAT bad... maybe because i was rushing in the end, so i couldn't 'feel' the ending..=S). what a waste.. i didn't get to bring my camera along as my sister took it to her uni.. or else i'll post those pictures we took here...=.=

And tomorrow... the day has arrived. the day he will not be with us anymore.. the laughter and funs we had together will disappear....

Our friendship started many years ago.

Where the days have gone I don't know,
But when I think of all we've done
I stop and smile because we've had such fun.
I hope you know how much I care.
It's friends like you who create a pair.
I wish I were closer to share your happiness;
But near or far, I wouldn't miss
All the things you have to share.
I hope you know I am always here.
I know it is harder being miles away,
But always remember this when I say,
"Our friendship is a treasure
We'll beyond any measure. "

-by Melinda Stankosky

p/s: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY LOVELY WIFEY~ <3..hehe^^

friendship...

2009-03-16T16:48:00.000+08:00

I’m gonna lose a friend very soon. Anytime, a very close friend of mine will be leaving me.. And honestly, I’m not prepared to lose him.. such great friend of mine… all the ups and downs of life we have gone through. I’m so gonna miss him for sure.. I cannot imagine how life would be without him.. In school and tuitions.. He left sweet memories everywhere… Haihz.. Life’s enough miserable already.. Many things happened lately.. And I’m really depressed T.T… and right now, this upsetting news-that he's leaving all of us behind to pursue your dream.. Who am I to stop you him doing so…

To…..(you know who you are),
No matter what happens, I believe that the four of us will be united forever. we may be far apart after this, but this friendship will last forever... I can only pray for you, that hopefully God will bless you and that you’ll be happy with your life. Hopefully you’ll get to adapt with your upcoming life as soon as possible. Best friends forever! Keep in touch... take care of yourself...*hugz*

We might be so far apart, but we connect through our heart…
While everything might break and fall… Our friendship will stand tall

You’re my friend and that is true,
we went thru moments that were good and bad,
even moments that were happy and sad.

its really sad that it had to be this way,
but it has reached its very last day.
miles away cant keep us apart,
'cause you'll always be in my heart…

Advice to others: appreciate you friends.. For you may not meet them anymore the next second...

life will never be perfect...

2009-02-06T19:17:00.000+08:00

I don’t know why I’m here blogging again! This is stupid… I know! Yes, I’m wondering too..why am I blogging again? Is it because I need somewhere, someone or even something to express whatever I’m feeling deep inside? is it because i threw my diary away..so i don't have anywhere else to express it? I’m feeling really really moody. I need someone to listen and to advise me about it, but I just couldn‘t find anyone… not that I don‘t trust any of my friends… it‘s just that.. Sometimes, even when you trust that person, there‘s no reason to tell him or her when he or she does not know anything about it. What is the point of telling him or her then? And vice versa(you want to tell that particular person, but you can’t really trust him/her-I won’t take the risk)

Ok, why am I moody? For no reason? Right now, I’m ruining my own life.. My life is quite perfect.. But, I’m still not satisfied with it… not that I want it to be perfect or what.. I don’t know… I really don’t know.. It just feels different. I am different too… this is not me. I know I’m in the wrong path, but I am still heading that path…

I have a question..

If you have to choose…

To hurt yourself or to hurt your friend… which one would you choose?

Right now, I’m hurting myself.. And I‘m so unhappy with my life.. I’m still in the shadow of doubt… should I hurt my friend? I don’t want to feel guilty…And I don’t want to hurt my friend too…

p/s: it's the first post and I’m typing emo stuffs… sorry!